Posts Tagged ‘young black women’

Do the right thing!

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

A student just came rushing to my office and handed me an assignment (part of a final project) which he thought was due today. I gave the assignment and set the deadline as today but I did not take the assignment in. The purpose of doing this is so that the students do their work in increments rather than leave it all until the last minute and hand in sloppy work.

As the student handed me the assignment, I informed him that he was not required to hand it in. I could see the frustration in his face as he asked me why I had told them it was due today. I replied, “So that you would have it done by today.” I then asked him an obvious question; “Did you do it?” “Yes”,  he replied. To which I responded; “Then we have met our objective.”
Even as the student walked away, I could tell he was still disgruntled that he had spent time doing his school work under the impression that it was due to be handed in and then found out that it was not going to be handed in. Just as I thought he had left, he reappeared and asked me to give him feed-back and I told him that I was happy to but not at the present moment. I encouraged him to come to my office during “office hours” and I let him know I would be happy to assist him. He was still clearly disgruntled as he walked away from my office.

The reason why I am sharing this experience is that I have noticed that a lot of students don’t really come to college to learn. They seem to come to college as a means to an end and in my observation, while most of them are here, they do almost everything that they can to avoid learning!

The student that I just described did the assignment as part of his learning process but did not assign any value to the learning. Instead, he was frustrated that he had done the assignment “for nothing”. This is what I take issue with. It seems that college has become a means to an end and learning has become an “inconvenience” along the way. I genuinely believe that this line of thinking is not much different from people who serve others only because they expect something in return or so as to “be seen” serving which will improve their public image.

I’m glad this student came by my office because he made me think about a very important lesson that I leaned a long time ago: Do the right things for the right reasons.

It’s quite possible to do the “right thing” (like philanthropy) and still be wrong because we are doing the right thing for the wrong reason (like boosting public image). It is also possible to do the “wrong thing” (like say “no” to someone you care about) but have good intention (like preserving your time and energy for more important tasks).

The best students that I have come across are the ones who come to college to learn, gather information and improve their skills so that they can reach their career goals and make a positive impact in their communities. These students are the ones who are doing the right thing (getting an education) for the right reasons (improving their lives and those of other people).

The next time you have a task in from of you; ask yourself if you’re doing the right thing and if you’re doing it for the right reason. Failing which, if you’re going to do something that may be perceived as the “wrong” thing; do it for the right reason!

Black Women, HIV and National HIV Testing Day

Friday, June 24th, 2011

Today, I read that in a few days it will be National HIV Testing Day (June 27th). So I started thinking, about a decade ago, if anyone had suggested to me that celibacy was a viable “way of life” I would have laughed them off and asked them when they intended to return to the 50s! Years later, this is the advice that I genuinely give to most young women who solicit my advice. Does is seem a little “old fashioned”? Maybe. I do think though, considering that every single study that is being released on new cases of HIV infection shows that black women are still disproportionately leading, it is not as ridiculous as it may sound.

Some years ago, while I was still single, a very good male friend of mine, more like a brother really, suggested to me that maybe I should consider celibacy. Even in my Sex in the City watching mindset, I knew that the words he spoke were true and worth taking into consideration. These were the reasons why he suggested it:

1. Every time a woman engages in a sexual relationship with a man who does not think enough of her or himself to make a commitment, he affects her spiritual well-being and usually NOT IN A GOOD WAY!

2. Every time a woman engages in a sexual relationship, she is at a risk of falling pregnant-yes, even if protection is used!

3. Every time a woman engages in a sexual relationship, she is at risk of contracting a sexually contracted disease, including HIV which can lead to AIDS- yes, even if protection is used!

Now, I recognize that this is a rather conservative approach to the whole topic, but I do think that it is worth considering. The only way to make sure that you do not get infected with HIV from a sexual partner is not to have any sexual partners!

For those of us who are in marriages and committed relationships, of course celibacy is not a realistic option. We can however use the day to remind ourselves and those around us that when we practice fidelity, we protect ourselves and our partners from exposure to HIV and other harmful sexually contracted diseases. Let’s make a habit of holding ourselves to a high standard and let’s also hold those around us to the same standard.

This is my plea: If you have never been tested for HIV, please go and get tested; HIV is no longer the death sentence that it used to be. HIV infected people, when being treated with the right medications, can live long and purposeful lives. And for those that have been tested, go get tested again and take your friends and loved ones with you.

As for me, I did end up taking “my brother’s” advice all those years ago and I ended up meeting and marrying a man who was also holding himself to the same standard. Seven years later, I believe that was one of the best decisions I ever made!