Successful Black Woman

By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

When I was younger, if you had asked me to paint a picture of my perfect life, I would have said the following:

I want to be married to a wonderful man who loves and cherishes me. He has to be a man of integrity who is committed to his spiritual growth and development. He must be a kind and loving father and a respectable member of his community. I want two healthy beautiful children; one boy and one girl. I want to live in a lovely home in a beautiful neighborhood. Oh, I’d also like a pool and a hot tub in the back yard and lots of space for us to run and play games. It’s starting to sound pretty good-right? But I’m not finished.

My dream job would be one where I inspire and teach others to accomplish their goals, whether it be finishing college, getting a job or maybe just improving their quality of life! I want to serve others in a way that leaves them a little more educated, more joyful and inspired.

Wait! There’s more! I want to be surrounded by like-minded people who love what they do and do what they love! I want to have great friends who challenge me and encourage me to be my best self. I want to eat delicious and life giving food, travel to new and exciting places and meet people from all over the world! I want to have time to spend with my family and the financial freedom to enjoy the time we spend together. Sounds great doesn’t it? Well, this IS my life and YES, it is WONDERFUL!

Some years ago my life started on a slow and steady path to mediocrity and one day I realized that the first thought that I had every day when I woke up was “Man, I hate my life”. It’s not hard to figure out why I hated my life:

• I had gained about 50 pounds
• I had no job
• My car had been repossessed
• I was on the verge of eviction
• I had alienated or lost contact with most of my friends and family
• My bank account was empty
• My food pantry and my fridge was empty
• And I was nursing a strong and ever increasing dislike and resentment for the man in my life

And these are just the things that I can remember! I’m sure there was more! The following are the steps that I took to change my life from the mediocre existence that I hated to the joyful life that I now enjoy. I believe that you too can take these steps and change your life.

To download an audio of “7 Life Changing Habits…” please click here

Nomalanga helps Black women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s Facebook page or Follow her on Twitter

When seasons change, we tend to hear a lot about the new fashion trends flooding the stores. Indeed, every time the weather shifts there are exciting new collections of clothing that help fashionistas to stay in tune with the vibe of the season. However, as exciting as a wardrobe update can be, it is also fun to keep up with trends in smaller aspects of appearance – such as jewellery and accessories. Much like ordinary clothing, jewellery moves in trends – however, these trends can be a bit more difficult to detect, as clothing tends to get the headlines. So, to give you an idea of where to focus your accessorizing this year, here are a few noteworthy jewellery trends at the outset of 2013.

Coloured Beads

If you’re looking for something bright and fun for when the weather turns warm, coloured beads seem to be featured prominently in early 2013 fashion trends. Often mixed in on chains with various metallic ornaments and pieces, beads on necklaces and bracelets give you a carefree, summer style look that can be dressed up elegantly or worn casually. In particular, aqua and turquoise beads are common these days.

Coloured Stones

If you like the idea of colour but want something a bit flashier than beads, coloured stones – rubies, sapphires, etc. – are gaining popularity quite rapidly. Some jewelled pieces, such as eternity rings, will probably always feature diamonds. But these days, even engagement rings are frequently using alternative stones, in addition to all variety of earrings, necklaces and bracelets.

Oversized Pieces

In a more general sense, oversized pieces of jewellery are also quite common early in 2013. Whether it means dangling hoops and ornaments in earrings, oversized bangles for the wrist, or a long necklace that dangles below your chest, there are plenty of options when it comes to adopting this style. It can get excessive, but oversized jewellery is very fun to work with, and can expand your options when it comes to jewellery accessories.

Flowers & Feathers

Finally, if you are looking for something a bit more unique for this year’s jewellery box, consider pieces ornamented with small feathers and flower petals. These pieces tend to be quite casual, and can be great for a beach setting, or another warm, outdoor area when the weather turns toward summer. But regardless of setting, a nice pair of earrings with short feathers jutting out can be very unique and tasteful.

By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

Recently, one of my FB friends was displeased with me because I deleted a comment she made on my wall. I had written a quote and a short statement after the quote and she responded to the post. After I deleted her first comment, she wrote a second one and I once again deleted her comment. The third comment she wrote, in response, was on her own wall and I had no power to delete it and this was the point. You see, what other people do is their business and I have no attachment to it, but what other people do to me…now that’s a different story.

We all have a responsibility to ourselves and to the people around us to make some clear and well defined boundaries. Boundaries let others know what you will and will not accept. In my example with my FB friend, I had written a post and she responded in a way that I felt was not in alignment with the post, so I deleted her comment. She did not like the fact that I deleted her post and she told me that “it saddened” her. My response was to let her know that it was not my intention to “sadden” her.[I think she was half joking; she was not really sad.] My intention was to make it clear to her that her comment was not acceptable to me and by deleting it, I believe that I did that. When she wrote on her own wall, I had no attachment to what she wrote…her wall; her boundaries.

Sometimes people will not like the boundaries that you set and some may even deliberately cross the boundaries but that does not in any way invalidate the boundary. Again, your responsibility is to set the boundary-whether someone likes the boundary or not is not your business.

If a person deliberately crosses the boundary, you may remind them of the boundary, but don’t take it personally because their inability to respect boundaries is their “stuff”; not yours. If a person is consistently crossing your boundaries and you have been diligently reminding them of the said boundaries, then it’s decision time. People either contaminate or contribute to our lives and boundaries make it easier to see the difference. It is your decision who you allow in your life.

I’m not saying that we should all go around setting unnecessary boundaries and trying to decide if people are crossing them or not. Some boundary crossing is harmless, like the guy [or gal] at work who always gets right in your face during conversation or the boss who loves to touch people while he is talking to them or even my FB friend who from time to time writes silly things on my wall! What I am saying is: be clear about what you will and will not accept. The people who deserve to be in your life will respect that and those who don’t won’t.

Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com or on Facebook or Twitter

By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

On Saturday night, I imagine that many people were glued to their television screens to watch the much publicized episode of “Iyanla: Fix My Life” on OWN. For the first time since the show started, I made a deliberate effort to make sure that I tuned in because I could not believe the little bit that I had heard about what the show had in store.

Iyanla traveled to Shreveport, Louisiana to help a woman “fix” her life after her husband, a pastor, confessed to having slept with at least 20 women during the course of their 10 year marriage. The pastor estimated that about 10 of the mistresses were women who were also members of his church. The pastor had also fathered a child with one of his mistresses who was not only a church member, but was also a married woman, when he started an affair with her.

Iyanla supported the pastor’s wife through the process of admitting to herself that she wanted to leave but did not do so for two reasons. The first reason was that she enjoyed the benefits that came with being the First Lady and being held in high esteem because of her title. The second reason was that she was terrified of the unknown path that lay ahead of her if she left her husband, the church and the life that she had been living for nearly 11 years.

To me, it seemed as though Iyanla was encouraging her to tell her truth and then encouraging her to act on what it seemed she was afraid to act on. While it was very subtle, I did also feel as though Iyanla slightly nudged her towards the direction of leaving, even if not permanently. My interpretation of what Iyanla said to her was that it was obvious that she had to leave.

While I have a great deal of love and respect for Iyanla, I am always mindful of the fact that she has been married and divorced three times. That is not said to judge her, but to put some of her advice into perspective. I entirely agreed with her when she gently suggested to the First Lady that she had suffered emotional, psychological and even spiritual abuse at the hands of her preacher husband. Iyanla was right to point out that abuse is not only physical.

As surprising as it seems, I am not entirely convinced that the “right” thing to do was for the pastor’s wife to leave her husband. You don’t have to be a Christian to know that when Christians get married, they make vows to each other and among those vows, there is usually some variation of a vow to stick together through “thick and thin” and through “sickness and health”. The complicating factor here is that the pastor admitted to Iyanla that he had been molested- “penetrated by a man” at an age as young as around four to seven years old. The pastor kept that a secret all his life until he told Iyanla and that is the “sickness” that he has been living with.

It could be argued that the pastor’s adulterous ways were just a manifestation of the violation that he suffered as a little boy. He was s*xually abused and then went on to abuse the woman he loved, emotionally, psychologically and, as Iyanla put it, spiritually. I am not suggesting that the pastor should get a “free pass” and neither was Iyanla but I still maintain that while it may seem obvious to some that the pastor’s wife should leave, it may not be that simple.

Being that they are Christians, I imagine that they vowed to stay together “through sickness and health”. When most people exchange vows, they make all kinds of declarations, but what most of them really mean is “I will stay as long as staying does not get too hard”. I am not saying that the pastor’s wife should stay, nor am I saying that she shouldn’t. What I am saying is that it is not as simple as it may seem and my observation is that too many people want to enjoy the “good” in marriage and will leave when the “bad” shows up; they will enjoy the “health” and won’t stick around for the healing when “sickness” shows up.

In the end, the pastor and his wife separated. The pastor went for counseling (healing). What will happen after he is “healed”, we may never know. In fact, we will never know if he will even be “healed” or if he will be a lying cheater for the rest of his life. In the end, I hope both the pastor and his wife will find peace and I also hope that they do everything that they can to shelter their children from the “sickness” that crept into their marriage.

Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com

Originally Posted at Your Black World

To juice or not to juice, to blend or not to blend, that is the question! Which one is best? What’s a girl to do? Panic! Freeze! Give up! Sleep! NOPE.

Hands down the best way to increase our alkalinity and detox our [beautiful] bodies is to consume a diet full of sunlight aka liquid chlorophyll.

Chlorophyll contains a powerful blood builder that’s said to increase red blood cells, improve circulation, ease inflammation, oxygenate the body, and counteract harmful free radicals. By eating (and drinking) a diet high in chlorophyll (raw fruits and veggies, especially leafy greens), we dine on liquid oxygen, the very substance we need to stay alive and thrive.

We stack the odds in our favor BIG time when we consume a diet high in chlorophyll, vitamins, enzymes and oxygen. Ok Kris, get to it, which way is best – juicing or blending? Here’s my bottom line: I do both but I juice WAY more than I blend. Why? Well, by removing the fiber through the process of squeezing the pulp, we instantly lighten the load on our digestion. Nutrients pass directly into the bloodstream, and within minutes our bodies receive optimum fuel to feed our cells and help restore our immune systems. This doesn’t mean we don’t eat sprouted and certain cooked grains, salads, and other intestinal brooms—we do. Yet, we give our taxed bodies a much-needed rest by solely consuming liquid. When our bodies spend less energy on digestion they will spend more on repair. Think about this too, a glass of juice has more nutritious veggies than a smoothie does. How many cukes do you put in a juice? Bunches of kale? Sweet pea sprouts? We could never eat all that in a smoothie. Smoothies fill us up a lot faster.

If you’ve been juicing then you know the power and super energy this miracle liquid splashes into your life. Green drinks and smoothies balance blood sugars, supply plant protein, and purge tons toxins from their hiding places. If possible, consume a upward of thirty-six ounces of green juice/smoothie per day. Note: Prepackaged store-bought juices don’t count; they are not raw, unless they are made fresh in front of you.

Remember: It’s important to go slow and experiment. Start with gentle veggies like cucumbers, celery, sweet pea sprouts and build from there. No need to add a zillion things into the juice, if you’re new to all this that’s a sure fire way to experience gastric “ouchies”. Add one at a time. I tell people to start by juicing only cucumber and build from there. Parsley, dandelion, kale – these are very strong medicinal greens. Go slow. NOW go juice (or blend).

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By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

One day last week, my husband made me so upset that I swear I could see red! I was steaming; so much so that my heart was racing and my nostrils were flared and I think I may have even broke a sweat.  I think my tongue still has bite marks from the series of things I felt like saying but did not say.

If you’re wondering why I was so upset, I have only one word for you: Business-as in mind your own! But on a serious note, below are three things that I did, that you can do as well, in order to win the fight.

1. Bite your tongue

Anytime you are upset, being upset colors everything. There is a reason why we use the word “mad” to describe being angry or upset. It really is true that in the heat of the moment, when a person is upset or angry, it could be said that they are “mad”. The wise thing to do is “bite your tongue” and not say anything until you have cooled off. If you choose to speak while you’re “mad”, you are more likely to escalate the fight-not win it. Running your mouth carelessly in the heat of the moment may feel somewhat good while you’re doing it, but it really only does damage in the long run and that is not winning.

2. Act the opposite of what you feel

When you married your spouse, you more than likely looked into each other’s eyes and made some declarations about what you would do as a husband or a wife. So if your spouse offends you in any way, you should be able to take it back-right? Wrong! Just because your spouse has made you “mad”, it does not mean that you can use that as an excuse to behave in an unacceptable way.

That day, after I wiped off the sweat and cooled off a bit, I proceeded to make my husband a delicious meal. No, there was no spitting in it or any ill will, somehow stirred into the food. What I was doing was acting in a way that was the opposite of what I was temporarily feeling. It doesn’t always have to be a delicious meal, it could be searching yourself and thinking about how you may have also offended your spouse and then approaching them and just offering an apology. Note: Offering an apology means just that-just an apology and no reason or explanations or expectations because that could just start something else. If you do this, you may not realize it, but you have won the fight with “the beast inside” and many, many marriages suffer from people not being able to tame that beast.

3. Say What you want

Saying what you want does not mean that you carelessly run your mouth and destroy  the valuable relationship that you have built. What it means is that you make sure that you have calmed down and then ask your spouse if they are willing to  hear what you want. If they agree, then it is okay to let them know what you do or do not want. This is not an opportunity to blame and name call-that is not winning; it is destructive and may just escalate the fight. If your partner says no to your request to let them know what you want or expect, repeat steps 1 and 2 and try step 3 again at a later time.

Most people typically get upset because they did not get what the wanted or expected. Saying what you want is an opportunity to open the doors of communication and allow room for negotiation and compromise. The only way to “win” a fight with your spouse is to dissolve it. Marriage is a partnership and no one wins when the two people in the marriage start to try to one up each other.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I will add that any fly on the wall in our home can tell you that this process does not go smoothly every single time. If you fail at step 1, it becomes even more important to move on to step 2 and 3. Finally, remember that nobody’s perfect. We are all each a work in progress and a little forgiveness and humility can go a long way.
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Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com

Originally posted at Black Blue Dog

Venus and Serena Williams have chosen to withdraw their support for a movie that chronicles their rise from Compton to their current super stardom as tennis and fashion “it girls”.

As is characteristic of the Williams sisters, they have not been vocal about the documentary nor their reasons for not supporting it. It is being reported that Venus , specifically, is the one who saw the movie and did not approve of how it depicted their father, Richard Williams. Venus is said to have requested that the movie makers make some changes to the movie because it suggested that their father was too controlling and even suggested that he was a womanizer because he allegedly has other children that he had out of wedlock. Even after the changes, the sisters have still chosen not to support the movie.

What I respect about the Williams sisters is that they are standing by their father even though that could mean a dent in their pockets. We can not know for certain how much of what the movie is suggesting about their father is true, but I reckon that even if it were all true, the sisters would still refuse to support it.

The lesson that I am drawing from the sisters is that a man does not have to be perfect for you to love him, respect him and be loyal to him. In fact, if that were the case, none of us women would be able to love any man!

I was born and raised in Botswana and am now married to someone who was born and raised in the U.S. so I have had the privilege of observing how our two cultures agree and how they differ. What I love about the stance that Venus and Serena took is that it reminds me of what I grew up experiencing and what in my observation is slowly slipping away in the culture that I have now become a part of, American culture.

A strong family unit is sustained buy BOTH a strong man and a strong woman. It saddens me to continue to see Black men and Black women throw mud in each other’s faces instead of recognizing each other’s short comings and stepping up to support and encourage each other where the other falls short.

I am not saying that we should be entirely accommodating of each other’s bad behavior, in fact, I believe that we should all hold each other accountable. That being said, I believe that we can hold each other accountable away from the public eye. In Tswana (from Botswana) culture, it is common for a woman to disagree with her husband and even at times give him a “tongue lashing” but as wives, we are advised to do so away from the public eye, preferable behind closed doors and preferably behind the bedroom door.

Too often I hear women complain about how “sorry” some men are and they list all the things that they have failed to do. While all that may be true, what good does it do him, or anyone, for that information to be taken and splashed across the tabloids? What good would it do if a movie was made and the movie showed a man’s shortcomings? Yes, there may be a few dollars to be made, maybe even a lot of dollars, but is it really worth it? I say: no.

I can’t be certain what part Oracene Price, Venus and Serena’s mother, played in their decision but I reckon she has a similar feeling about the situation. I reckon she raised her daughters to love and respect their father, even though her relationship with him took a different turn that what I imagine they had originally intended.

I am a woman so I can directly say this to my sisters: If you ever wonder why “brothers won’t commit”, consider that maybe they have lost confidence in marriage because women like Venus and Serena are so rare nowadays. Maybe they don’t believe that they can find a woman who will see all their shortcomings and rather than use them to attack and bring them down, that woman will be a supporter and encourager.

For all we know, every piece of dirty laundry the movie wants to air about Richard Williams could be true.We do also have to consider, though, that maybe it is not. What we do all know is that Richard Williams has invested a tremendous amount of blood, sweat and tears into his daughters. Yes, they are talented and skilled but I don’t believe that they would have achieved international tennis stardom had it not been for his investment in their lives. That, I believe is what Venus and Serena choose to focus on and celebrate.

Should we hold our men accountable and tell the truth? Absolutely, but a movie premier is certainly not the time and place to do so and I applaud Venus and Serena for recognizing that and standing on that principle.

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Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com

Originally Posted at YourBlackBloggers

I just read a story about Vanessa Long sharing the “storm” she survived after her husband, Eddie Long, the senior pastor of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, was accused of “having relations” with five young men in the ministry.

Vanessa Long, who herself is an elder at New Birth, spoke to a group of women in the Heart to Heart Ministry at New Birth sharing that the whole experience was a very gruesome struggle but her final decision was to stay with her husband and their church.

As I read the story, I was reminded of the Monica Lewinsky scandal that put the then, First Lady Hilary Clinton, in a similar predicament. I remember being very judgmental of Mrs Clinton, at the time, in my arrogant and youthful ignorance. Now, as I approach eight years of marriage, my perspective has shifted. I am able to see that Elder long (and Mrs. Clinton) can seem like foolish women who are taking this “marriage thing” a little too far but I also see that it is not so simple.

First of all, most people who walk into marriages take vows and those vows, usually say that the couple should stand by each other through “thick and thin” and through “sickness and health” and of course that does not just mean that wives or husbands can’t walk away if their spouses get sick; it means that you vow to stay no matter what!

I will admit, I have somewhat of a bias; I was born and raised in a two parent home and in less than two years, my parents will celebrate 40 year of marriage. Through them, I have learned that if you’re committed to your marriage and the well-being of your children and the stability of your community, there really is next to nothing that can convince you to walk away from your marriage. Further more, my perspective is colored by being raised in a different country where the culture places a very high value on marriage, family and community.

The alarming rate at which people choose to end their marriages today is by far not an indicator of the exceptions of “through thick and thin” but instead an indication that the way modern day society perceives marriage is shifting and not in a good way. If you haven’t already, just spend some time talking to a psychologist or sociologist about the crippling effects of broken homes.

Of course there are exceptions; too often, we hear about battered women who stayed in abusive marriages right up until their husbands took their lives. This is an extreme example and those are the instances where divorce is almost certainly the only option.

In her conversation with the women she was speaking to, Elder Long shared that part of the reason why she stayed was because she wanted to stay with her New Birth family and also because she believed that she could use her experience to inspire and minister to other women who are going through their own “storms”.

How I interpret what she is saying is that she did not just stay because she did not want to leave Eddie Long; she stayed because she understands that her marriage serves a greater purpose than just a relationship between two people. Maybe Mrs. Long considered her three children and thought that even though they had probably suffered a great deal of embarrassment from the attention they got in the scandal, they still deserved to be with both their parents in one household. Maybe Mrs. Long thought about having to leave all the meaningful relationships she had been building for years and the standard of living that she was accustomed to and decided that Eddie Long’s alleged actions should not rob her and her children of those things. Maybe, Mrs. Long thought about the day she said “till death do us part” which meant that even though what her husband was being accused of made her vomit, understandably, he was still alive and that meant that she was still his wife.

I don’t believe that any woman can say with certainty what she would do if she were in the same position as Mrs. Long. We will never know what Mrs. Long’s conversations with God were, as she undoubtedly knelt to pray for the strength and courage to endure the “storm” that her husband had led her into. What I do know is that far more marriages end in divorce than is necessary. I believe that anyone who decides to get married should, as Dr. Phil puts it, “earn their way out” of marriage. What Dr. Phil means is that every possible option to save the marriage should be exhausted before a couple decides they want to swap out their spouse like a old pair of shoes or yesterday’s underwear.

The people who sustain their marriages understand that marriage is not to be taken lightly and it requires commitment, perseverance, sacrifice, selflessness and an understanding that marriage serves a greater purpose than two people getting together because they “love” each other.
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Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AT BLACK LIKE MOI

In this video, Dr. Boyce Watkins and I discuss the article/blog I wrote, “Why Men Like Paul Ryan Date Black Women”.

The article is below the video.

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Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana.
Originally Posted at Black Blue Dog.

If you want your life to go from Good to Great, read Nomalanga’s tips here

Why Men Like Paul Ryan Date Black Women
By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

Paul Ryan, the Republican Party’s nominee for Vice President of the United States in the 2012 election, “casually” mentioned, in an interview, that he dated a Black woman. He also mentioned that he has a Black sister in law.Somehow this brought back memories of when I would be around non-Black people who would try to make me feel “comfortable” by telling me that they had a Black maid, but I digress.

So now we know that Paul Ryan dated a Black woman-now what? Well we know that Ryan mentioned those particular tidbits of information to somehow make a case for his ongoing campaign to convince us that he is not a racist and has the interest of Black people in mind as he vies for the number two spot in running the country.

Soooo, since he brought it up, lets mull over why men like him, a white conservative from small- town-USA might end up dating a woman like Deneeta Pope, a Black woman who supports the re-election of President Obama.

Well, maybe Ryan and Pope did not burden themselves with all this race talk and were instead, two people who happened to take a liking to each other, dated, found out it wasn’t mean to be and amicably went their separate ways. According to TMZ, Pope says Ryan and his wife even attended Pope’s wedding in May.

On the other hand, we’ve all heard the ridiculous myth that Black women in America only fit in one of two boxes: prude or crude, as in having an insatiable appetite when it comes to “rolling in the hay”. That being said, I can think of few men, none actually, who would be drawn to a woman because they think she is prude… So maybe, Mr. Ryan had an understandable curiosity about what it would be like to date a Black woman, you know, to see if the myth is true.

Obviously neither of the possible reasons I have cited are supposed to be a college level thesis, but I do find it interesting that his brother is married to a Black woman. Maybe the Ryan brothers are not just “curious” but just happen to be men who have the ability to see a woman for more than her skin color.

The next question then, is: does that make a difference in the upcoming presidential race? Well, if I were one of those people who actually thought that being a Republican or a Democrat meant anything, I would probably not jump from my assumed Democratic side to the Republican side just because the nominee for the number two position, on the Republican side, dated a Black woman years ago and I seriously doubt that anyone else would.

This past week I have tried really really hard to ignore the numerous news posts and commentaries about the depiction of First Lady, Michelle Obama, as a half naked slave woman on the cover of a Spanish magazine.

For the record, I find the “artist’s” work both insulting and despicable. The notion that the high level of respect we should all have for the wife of a sitting president should be briefly suspended to accommodate her “art” is both ridiculous and serves to show her level of arrogance and ignorance.

Aside from the fact that Karine Percheron-Daniels used a sitting First Lady in her so called art, we can also assume that she created the image without permission from Mrs. Obama or at least the courtesy to let her know she would be displayed half naked on a magazine cover. This is something that many have seemed to gloss over but to me it does not seem all that far from a rape.

When a woman decides to be naked with a man, as long as they are two consenting adults, the law does not generally find any fault with that. If however, the man used force, there is grounds for legal charges against him. The key elements are her consent and his force.

My intention is not to ever trivialize rape, but to show to what extend Percheron-Daniels’ actions violated the First Lady.

Applying this to Karine Percheron-Daniels depiction of Mrs Obama, Mrs Obama presumably never gave consent and was therefore forced to appear half naked for the whole world to see.

On her website, Karine Percheron-Daniels says,

“With my art, and particularly with my’ famous nudes’ series I try to offer an alternative unexpected reality to allow the viewer to re-examine his unique subjective experience and general understanding and view the world and people in a different way.”

To me, this statement falls far short of justifying the so called artist’s actions. With all that being said though, the way that many have reacted, by giving Percheron-Daniels a lot of media attention, is the exact opposite of what she deserves. Up until this past week, I had never seen any of her art, nor had I even ever heard of her and I suspect that’s the case for most of us.

Now, because of our tremendous reaction, or better put, overreaction, Percheron-Daniels is enjoying her 15 minutes of fame. As hard as it may be, it is my strong opinion that when things like this happen, we should just ignore them and keep going about our business.

Black people in America have been degraded to the one button that anyone can push and is assured of a huge reaction that will give them exactly what they were looking for-a spotlight.

Maybe if we stop overeating, people like Percheron-Daniels will stop pushing our buttons.

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Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana.
Originally Posted at Black Blue Dog.