Posts Tagged ‘Successful African Americans’

Self Esteem; How to change

Wednesday, March 30th, 2011

Most of the time when I write, I write from my personal experiences with the faith that what I share will be informational, encouraging or inspiring. Up until now, I have generally kept my most intimate relationship, my marriage, completely private and I will continue to do so, but today, I am allowing everyone a small peak inside. Yesterday, I had an intimate conversation with my husband and one simple thing he said, reduced me to tears.

“You’re a good person, Noma.”

That was all it took to reduce me to tears. One of the reasons why this one simple truth reduced me to tears is that it had three levels.
1. It is true
2. He genuinely believes it to be true
And the most profound one is
3. I genuinely believe it to be true.

To some, it may seem like such a simple and maybe even uninteresting, random piece of information. Those of us, however, who have been challenged with living with a low self esteem, learning to raise it and finally overcoming it, through change, to emerge as solid, confident and authentic women (or men), will understand the victory in hearing those words and recognizing their three levels; most importantly, the third level.

It is my firm belief that everyone, yes, EVERYONE, is good; or more accurately put, has the seed of goodness within them. What is sad is that sometimes, we don’t know that to be true. We start to believe the lie that we are evil, bad, undeserving etc. Sometimes, it is other people who don’t see the good in us and unfortunately, we buy into the lies that they have bought into.

Here is a small challenge: Think about what you say to yourself about yourself. (Inner dialogue) This usually translates to what you say, out loud, about yourself and how you conduct yourself. Every day, I hear people say things like “I’m such a loser”, “I’m so clumsy”, “ I’m so fat” and on and on and on! None of these statements are “good” but these people are thinking them, speaking them and displaying the behaviors that correlate with the thoughts and statements and that is ultimately the state of their lives.

One of the reasons why I was reduced to tears when I heard the words “You’re a good person, Noma.” was that in that moment, I realized that I had heard those words spoken to me before and had intellectually thought it to be true but there was always some background whisper (in my mind) that always said “That is not true…” and sadly, the whisper would continue with a laundry list of items to back up the lie. Tears streamed down my face as I realized that, in that moment, the whisper was not there. I realize that it may come back, but I now know that my voice, my husband’s voice and the truth are so much more powerful.

The knowledge of my “goodness” translates into my thoughts, speech and conduct. I’m not saying that I am without flaws or that I don’t sometimes make mistakes and even, at times, run into my own ego. What I am saying is that I have raised my level of thought, speech and conduct. In so doing, I have watched as my life has slowly unraveled to conform to this one thought. I now enjoy a healthy relationship with myself. I love myself and respect myself. I treat my husband with love and respect and he mirrors that back to me. It does not stop with just me and my husband; I approach every person I meet with love and respect and more often than not, I get the same love and respect. I meet every day with an expectation that it will be fantastic and it usually is.

All in all, I have a wonderful life!

My final thought is this: If you’re not satisfied with your life or life circumstances, then your starting point is your thoughts. What are you thinking? Whatever you’re thinking is what is ultimately creating what you perceive as an unhappy life. If you can change your thoughts, you can change your life. I did it and so can you!

Peace

You can accomplish your goals with Burning Desire and Belief

Sunday, March 27th, 2011

Recently, a student came to me and told me about one of his aspirations and solicited my help in turning it into a definite goal and then creating an action plan. It is standard practice for me to ask my students to e-mail me any requests that they have. I do this for two reasons:
1. Putting their request in writing encourages them to get clearer about what they want to accomplish as well as what they are asking for.

2. This process weeds out the students (and people, in general) that are not serious and have the potential to waste my (precious!) time.

It has been a week and the student has still not e-mailed me. There are three possible reasons:
1. He does not believe in himself and therefore does not believe that he can or will accomplish the goal (Lack of Belief)

2. He does not believe in me and therefore does not believe that I can help him (Lack of Belief, again)

3. He is not serious about his goal; he does not have a burning desire. (Lack of Desire- lack of burning desire)

I can confidently say this because I know that when you have a “burning desire”, you do not make excuses, rationalizations and justifications about why you cannot accomplish your goal. I also know that sometimes we experience fear and doubt, which causes a lack of belief. Sometimes the lack of belief is a result of a low self esteem or lack of confidence. This is what I know for sure: if the flame in your “burning desire” is hot enough, it will push you past any fear, doubt and lack of belief, as well as distractions and everyday life and work issues that people tend to use as excuses.

So what’s the lesson? It’s simple: Find what you love; what you’re passionate about and then use your imagination to light a fire under it.

If you do this, you will accomplish your goals and I’m ready to work with you! [email protected]

Rush Limbaugh calls Michelle Obama Fat!

Saturday, March 26th, 2011

I just recently heard that the First Lady, Michelle Obama, is writing a book so I decided to go on-line and find more information. I was appalled to find so much more information about criticism of Michelle Obama’s eating habits than anything else. A couple of weeks ago Rush Limbaugh commented that Michelle Obama was not Sports Illustrated cover worthy, implying that she was too fat because she was seen eating ribs while on vacation.

Now, I completely understand that more often than not, if a liberal (like Michelle Obama) is vocal about any issue, such as her plight to end childhood obesity, it is likely that some conservative (like Rush Limbaugh or Sarah Palin) will inevitably say something to try and discredit the whole campaign. That is politics and I understand that is the nature of the beast. What I am intolerant of is the low level of conduct that results in making personal attacks at the first lady.

This applies to all of us. We need to raise our level of conduct when speaking in public (or in private) about other people. Again, it is okay to not agree with someone’s policies, philosophies or conduct and it is also okay to express that. What is not okay is bringing up what we have observed about the person we disagree with, that has nothing to do with the issue at hand, and making an issue about that observation. Picture this: You’re debating with someone about a general issue like abortion. One of you is pro-abortion and the other is pro-choice. The right course of action is to bring up points to support your stance. The wrong action would be to suddenly yell out that your debate opponent has a very big nose or lips or ears, or whatever! Making comments about the other person’s personal appearance reduces the debate to a low level that discredits whatever stance you had taken in the debate.

So, I’m challenging everyone, including Mr. Limbaugh, to express their thoughts, opinions, observations and so on, but let’s keep it respectful. As always, I commend the First Lady, Micelle Obama for maintaining her superior level of conduct and not reducing herself to the low level that Mr. Limbaugh has done.