Posts Tagged ‘Purpose’

If You’re Not Doing This One Thing You’re A “Loser”

Friday, October 17th, 2014

Woman looking sidewaysBy Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

If you walked into a room full of people and said “All the losers put your hands up,” there is a good chance no one would put their hands up. This is because no one sets out to be a “loser”; it tends to happen by default. So, how does a person become a loser? The answer is simple: a person becomes a “loser” by not having a purpose.

If on Friday night, as I am thinking about what to do on Saturday morning, I decide that after a long and productive week I must rest, sleeping all morning is perfectly acceptable. If, on the other hand, I don’t even think about what I will accomplish on Saturday and then on Saturday, I sleep all morning, I am potentially a “loser”. Deciding to get some rest is purposeful action and my desired outcome is to restore my energy and feel rested and rejuvenated. Even though I technically did nothing, I have accomplished something; I rested. I made a decision and I followed through.

What makes you a “loser” is not planning, not having a purpose and not making a decision. A deliberate decision to do nothing is very different from just not doing anything because you feel apathetic about your life. The difference becomes even more glaring when action is required. The person who decides to rest, may then run some errands in the afternoon, which is what they had decided they would do that afternoon (after resting all morning). The apathetic person may continue to just do nothing and therefore continue to accomplish…nothing.

At a glance, the person with purpose and the one without it may appear the same but when you really look at them over a long period of time, the apathetic person will have a lot of “nothing” going on and the other person will be making progress and accomplishing their goals.  If you are not actively living on purpose, you’re losing in this game of life.

Set an intention for your day, everyday. Rest, relaxation and doing nothing are perfectly okay if that is your intention (ideally for a limited amount of time) but don’t spend your life watching things happen by default and then wonder why other people have the things you want but can’t seem to get. Don’t be a “loser”; live on purpose.

Nomalanga is a Life Balance Expert. Her programs help busy women who struggle to balance Marriage, Motherhood and Money-Making™. Nomalanga is an experienced instructor, author and avid blogger.

To find out how you can book Nomalanga for your next conference or event, click here.

Find Your Purpose

Sunday, April 8th, 2012

By Bishop T.D. Jakes
Living on purpose, as I define it, is to become aware that we were all created to serve some specific function in life. Some of these purposes might be lofty, attracting the accolades of the world. Some of these purposes may be down-to-earth, such as raising a child, teaching or engaging in some other activity that may not be as acknowledged by society but is still significant.

The pursuit of your life is to come into that purpose. And the waste of your life is to miss that purpose. The problem, though, for most of us is discovering what our purpose is. Here are a few mistakes we make while looking for it, ones that can distract or misdirect us.

1. The “But I Love It” Mistake
For a few years, I was involved in music. I was a choir director, and I played the piano. I noticed that when our choir got ready to sing, people got more blessed out of me introducing the song and talking about the song than they did from the song itself. Gradually I began to realize that the tail was wagging the dog. I love music to this day, and I have a fairly good understanding of music and theory and how they operate. But that’s not why I’m here on earth.

Just because you admire something doesn’t mean it’s your purpose. Don’t let yourself be distracted by something that should be a hobby. If you, like me, enjoy music, that doesn’t necessarily mean you should be the one directing the song. Buy some CDs or enjoy music on your headset, just don’t let it take your focus.

2. The “But That Drives Me Crazy” Mistake
Usually, when things drive us crazy, we’re taught to walk away or ignore them. But sometimes it can help to take a closer look. For example, if somebody does something incorrectly, and their error drives us crazy, we shouldn’t criticize the person—we should look at what our inability to tolerate their error can show us. What you cannot stand to see done badly is exactly where you ought to work. If you can’t stand it when the church programs are done incorrectly or when the invitations are not sent out in time—if you want things in order—maybe you should consider working in an area of administration.

Other people might not even be bothered by these things, but your inability to put up with anything less than excellence means that you have an interest there. You need to recognize, “This is an area I have passion about.”

Read the rest here.

Mindful Mornings: Choose what you want

Wednesday, March 28th, 2012

I’m so excited about life! Not for any specific reason. I woke up about three hours ago and have been intentional about thinking good [God] things (sowing) and as the day goes(time), I am aware of how Good I feel (reaping). Imagine how good your life can be and feel if you were intentional about every thought that you allowed and every word that you spoke. Imagine if you could choose only what you want to think and what you want to say and could discard the rest! Well…you can. I’m choosing Good things-what about you?

The Meaning of Whitney Houston’s Life…and Death

Sunday, February 12th, 2012

Last night when I heard about Whitney Houston’s death, the first thing that I experienced was disbelief and then slowly, as I began to process it, I settled into acceptance. Why acceptance? Well, Whitney Houston’s life has come to an end but it did not end until she changed millions of lives. It did not end until she fulfilled her purpose here on earth.

Anyone who does not think that Whitney Houston’s purpose on this earth was tied to singing has not heard her sing. At the height of her singing career, when Whitney Houston sang, some of us were so taken by the beauty and the power in her voice that we would stop breathing. She took our breath away.

I don’t know how Whitney spent the last few moments of her life here on earth, but I hope that even though she may not have lived the “perfect” life, that she recognized that she accomplished something that many die never having accomplished. She did not die with her music still inside of her. Literally.

“Don’t die with your music still inside you. Listen to your intuitive inner voice and find what passion stirs your soul. Listen to that inner voice, and don’t get to the end of your life and say, ‘What if my whole life has been wrong?” Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

The lesson that I am taking from Whitney Houston’s life and death is, as Dr. Dyer puts it, to listen to my intuitive inner voice and find what passion stirs my soul. At the end of my time here on earth, I will not wonder if my whole life was wrong. I won’t wonder because listening to that voice is listening to God’s soft whisper and no one and nothing is more powerful than that.

Rest in peace, Whitney Houston. No matter what anyone says about you, I love you. I admire you. You taught me a lesson. You literally, did not die with your music inside you and now even though your body has left this earth, you will live on through your music.
PEACE

Mindful Mornings: Happy and Grateful

Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

If you find yourself feeling down, sad and sorry for yourself, you have probably shifted your focus from what you DO have to what you DON’T have. Sometimes “happiness” is just about shifting your focus. Just be mindful of what you’re focused on and you’ll be amazed at how often you have to SHIFT. If you get in the habit of shifting your focus from what you DON’T have to what you DO have, you’ll be amazed at the results! This is how you begin to live a life of GRATITUDE.

Grateful people are “happy” people and ungrateful people are unhappy people. It really is that simple. What do you choose-gratitude and happiness or complaining and unhappiness?

I choose Gratitude.

Mindful Mornings:Freedom

Sunday, November 27th, 2011

I used to think that I wanted to be “free”; free from poverty, free from hate, hurt, being controlled…Today I am grateful for the revelation that I AM free and I have always been free. I am free because my freedom comes from within. I am free because I was created to BE free. Any bondage that we feel is a creation of our minds; it is not real.

FREEDOM IS REAL. It always has been and always will be. We can either embrace it or deny it.

Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.-A Course In Miracles

ME TIME: What every woman needs and every woman should have

Friday, April 29th, 2011

A few weeks ago, as I sat in my office at the college at 6:30 in the morning, I began to have a nose bleed. *Gruesome story Alert: Naturally, I jumped out of my chair and raced to the bathroom. I leaned into a sink, hoping that the nose bleed would stop in a couple of minutes. It didn’t! It got worse! I have never seen so much blood in my life. It was out of control.

After about 15 minutes of waiting for this out of control nose-bleed to stop, I realized that maybe it wasn’t going to stop so I took a huge wad of paper towels and held it to my nose. It took only a few minutes to soak through and then I needed another one, and another and another…

Eventually, another woman who happened to be in the vicinity became aware of my predicament and she being in administrative role at the college, knew exactly what to do. A few minutes later, I was sitting in my office with two paramedics and a whole lot more attention than I wanted. They took my blood pressure and it was the highest that it has ever been in my life! I’m so grateful that I was sitting in my desk chair because I was now also feeling a bit light headed and could not think clearly. Even in my foggy haze, all I could think about was my lecture at 8:30am and my long list of “things to do”! I never made it to the lecture because I was in no condition to teach anybody anything!

A few hours later I was sitting on a hospital bed nodding my head as the doctor told me that, according to his examination, and based on what I told him, there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. The only prescription that he gave me was to “take it easy” for a couple of days. And so I did…

This is what I have learned,or more rather, been reminded of: “ME time” is not a luxury, it is an essential part of a balanced life. In the weeks leading up to my dramatic episode, I had been looking at my “ME time” as a luxury that I could not afford to indulge in. After all, I have a husband, children, hundreds of college students, I’m writing a book, I have an Audio program in production, I’m writing a new course for Black Women at the college, I had to go to a seminar to get certified for one of my courses, my website and blog needed updating, I had to make plans for the conference in Atlanta, get my National Speakers Association membership processed and on and on and on! All these list items are very important and yes, they needed to be done, but so did “ME time”! In leaving out just one vital thing, ME time, almost everything else was almost jeopardized by the breakdown of my physical body.

My body spoke to me in three ways:
1. An out of control nose-bleed
2. Unbelievably high blood pressure
3. Light-headedness resulting in an inability to think clearly

Here is what I was forced to hear: out of control, high pressure and foggy thinking. Operating this way could not sustain the level of Excellence that I hold myself to.

As I look back at the last four months of my life, there has been such a whirlwind of activity that I can’t believe that one person (me) accomplished it all! The accomplishments are great, but I find myself wondering if it is all worth it. If we push ourselves, physically and emotionally, so much that our physical body starts to get weary and our emotional well-being starts to decline, it is time to stop!

I firmly believe that without taking time away from our busy work and home lives, we do ourselves a huge disservice and we also hurt, rather than help, our loved ones and those that we have professional relationships with. Most women, me included, wear so many hats in their lives that they never take the time to just take off all the hats and attend to the person under all those hats.

I woke up early this morning and while my family slept, I had two full hours of quiet and peace and it has soothed my soul and satiated my spirit. My thinking is clearer and my whole being is at peace. I’ve, once again, been reminded just how vital and valuable “ME Time” is.

So, my friends take some time for YOU. It is not a luxury; it is essential. If you don’t, please don’t hesitate to call me when you need a ride to the clinic or the hospital-that’s what friends are for! But on a serious note, take time to relax and rejuvenate. You’ll be glad (and at peace) that you did.

PS: If your friends, employers, husbands and other family members complain or ask why you need this (and they will), just tell them because “Noma said so!”

Selah

Jealousy and Envy on Facebook

Friday, April 8th, 2011

By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

Recently I caught a bit of the Gayle King Show and she shared a few interesting survey results. Apparently the most annoying thing to Facebook users is people who get on Facebook and complain-no surprise there; who doesn’t want to flee from Negative Nellies and Debbie Downers? What I thought was very interesting though was that apparently Facebook users are also annoyed by people who talk too much about their “seemingly perfect lives”-really?

Let’s get really honest, today…The last time that you heard another person talking about something really, really great happening in their life, how did you feel? What about if what was going great in their lives was the exact thing that you were experiencing depressing levels of failure in?

I’ll start; I felt awful! In fact, I felt like waiting for them in dark alley and them beating that smug grin off of their face! I’ll also say this; that was a very long time ago. Nowadays, other people’s good or great news makes me giggle with glee. I tend to experience other people’s victories as if they were mine.

The reason why I can celebrate other people’s victories with them is that I am confident that I am living a life of abundance and I believe that all of us can. When you live a life of abundance, you realize that other people’s successes and victories take absolutely nothing from you. I look at other people’s success as proof of what is possible for all of us. I have had times in my life when my circumstances were so full of despair that I just couldn’t imagine that they would change and my saving grace was hearing other people talk about how their lives were great even though they had, at some point, been beaten down by their circumstances.

So, if you’re one of those people who feels annoyed when you hear about someone’s “seemingly perfect life” you may have to consider that what you’re calling annoyance may just be the green eyed twins, jealousy and envy. You know who they are; Jealousy is the one who says “my insecurity leads me to believe that I may lose you if…” and envy is the twin that says “I want what you have but I’d rather be angry at you for having it than focus on getting my own…” The cure, my friends, is simple; decide what you want out of life and go for it! Once you get on this path, there is no room for the green eyed twins. You’ll be so busy working on building your dreams that there won’t be any room for them!

Selah

You can accomplish your goals with Burning Desire and Belief

Sunday, March 27th, 2011

Recently, a student came to me and told me about one of his aspirations and solicited my help in turning it into a definite goal and then creating an action plan. It is standard practice for me to ask my students to e-mail me any requests that they have. I do this for two reasons:
1. Putting their request in writing encourages them to get clearer about what they want to accomplish as well as what they are asking for.

2. This process weeds out the students (and people, in general) that are not serious and have the potential to waste my (precious!) time.

It has been a week and the student has still not e-mailed me. There are three possible reasons:
1. He does not believe in himself and therefore does not believe that he can or will accomplish the goal (Lack of Belief)

2. He does not believe in me and therefore does not believe that I can help him (Lack of Belief, again)

3. He is not serious about his goal; he does not have a burning desire. (Lack of Desire- lack of burning desire)

I can confidently say this because I know that when you have a “burning desire”, you do not make excuses, rationalizations and justifications about why you cannot accomplish your goal. I also know that sometimes we experience fear and doubt, which causes a lack of belief. Sometimes the lack of belief is a result of a low self esteem or lack of confidence. This is what I know for sure: if the flame in your “burning desire” is hot enough, it will push you past any fear, doubt and lack of belief, as well as distractions and everyday life and work issues that people tend to use as excuses.

So what’s the lesson? It’s simple: Find what you love; what you’re passionate about and then use your imagination to light a fire under it.

If you do this, you will accomplish your goals and I’m ready to work with you! [email protected]

President Barack Obama’s Biggest Error and Michelle Obama’s Greatest Victory

Thursday, March 17th, 2011

Recently while giving a lecture on Leadership, I used The President as an example of one critical error that many leaders make. This error is usually made as a result of ‘chronic people pleasing’ and while it may seem noble, it is still a very critical error.

The error is quite simply leading without a clear Definite Purpose.

Some years ago, I read the book “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill and my main take away was the understanding of the importance of Definiteness of Purpose. This is what I am suggesting is lacking in the current presidency.

Since President Obama assumed office, he has tackled many, many issues including “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Race Relations (remember the Black Harvard Professor, Dr. Henry Gates and the Caucasian Boston police officer?), The War in Iraq (Or is it Afghanistan?), Unemployment and a devastating Economic crisis. The list goes on and on and on!

Before I go any further, let me be clear; I have a lot of respect, admiration and even Love for President Obama and my intention is not to start a campaign on why he should not be President or how lousy of a job he is doing as President. As a college instructor and a life strategist, I teach leadership and personal development courses and programs so I am able to recognize basic leadership errors and my intention is to point out one very common and critical error that many leaders (even President Obama) make.

Lacking Definiteness of Purpose is the reason why many leaders fail. Having a definite purpose is the anchor of every accomplishment by a person, company, institution or even an administration. Former President George W Bush was on Oprah sometime last year and while I do not agree with most of the policies that he enacted while he was in office, I can honestly say about him that he was clear about his purpose; War on Terror! He tackled many issues, as of course any President would, but he remained clear about his purpose; Get the Terrorists! His policies, agree with them or not, were aligned with the purpose that he was clear about from the beginning; Get the Terrorists!

So, what is President Obama’s purpose, as a President? No one really knows… Yes, he has made history by becoming the first Black President and even then, some argue that he is not “black enough’. That being said, I believe that President Obama does not have a definite purpose. After he leaves office, what will his legacy be, other than that he was Black? What is the one thing that we will remember him for?

Success is quite simply accomplishing what you set out to do. Former President George Bush had a definite purpose and he accomplished it. Again, agree or disagree with him, but he was successful. (Remember Saddam Hussein?)

Another great example of a success story is Michelle Obama. As First Lady, she has had one main goal and that is to start a process that will eliminate childhood obesity. This is her DEFINATE PURPOSE and we all know about it. When I watch children’s television shows with my babies, I often see her on the kids’ channels encouraging the children to be more active. Again, this is part of her “Let’s Move” campaign which she is using to start the process to eliminate childhood obesity. She encourages us to prepare and eat healthier meals and she has led the way by planting fresh vegetables in the White House garden. There are many other actions that she has taken and I won’t go on with the list but the point is that her purpose is clear and her actions are in alignment with her purpose as First Lady and this is her victory!

So, what’s the lesson? The lesson is simple, if you want to be successful, approach your goal with definiteness of purpose. Be deliberate about thinking thoughts, speaking words and taking actions that align with whatever that purpose is. If you do this, you will be successful; you will accomplish your goal! As for President Obama, let’s continue to pray for him as he leads the country and hopefully, before his term is over, he will leave a Legacy that we (and he) can be proud of.
Peace

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