Posts Tagged ‘love relationships’

How to be a MAN by Boris Kodjoe

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2011

I just read this at Black Love and Marriage and I HAD to share it! Anyone who knows me knows that I am a firm believer in the “institution” of marriage so I’m always glad to read some good information and even happier to share it.

By Team BLAM

Happily married actor, Boris Kodjoe in response to a friends tweets about what to look for in a man, chimed in with a list of his own on how to be a man and how to love a woman. We give major props to Boris because he unashamedly represents marriage in a positive way and has no problem affirming his wife Nicole Arie Parker.

“- Embrace your imperfections

– Laugh at yourself. A woman likes a man who doesn’t take himself too serious.

– Fix or build something with your hands. It’ll show her that you are capable of taking care of a home.

– Know how to cook and clean. It’ll show her that you don’t need her but that you WANT her.

– Get your passport and travel. A man needs to see the world.

– Communicate without cursing. You don’t need to curse to make a point. Cursing shows lack of substance.

– In bed, take care of your woman first. When she’s satisfied you are DA MAN!!!

– Stay in shape. It’ll show her that you care about yourself and therefore are able to care about her.

– Take care of your responsibilities. Anything less is unacceptable. A boy is irresponsible, not a man.

– Open her her door and pull out her chair. It shows her that you honor traditional values. Trust me, she will do the same.

– Be present! Take her in with your eyes and ears. Your attention will make her feel loved and she won’t ever nag you.

– Read a f—ing book! (Sorry, violation of ‘no cursing’ rule) But seriously, ignorance is a major turn-off. Book on tape will do.

– Have an ambition. You don’t need to be rich but you need to show direction and motivation. Keep a job!

– Last one for today: Treat a woman the way you would want your daughter to be treated. Anything less is unacceptable.”

Ladies you may want to show this list to your man! Fellas if you’re reading this, take note.

A lesson in Courage from a five year old.

Sunday, November 13th, 2011

This morning I went to pick my five year old daughter up from her swimming lesson and as soon as I got to the pool, I noticed she had been crying. Her swimming instructor assured me that she was okay and let me know that she had gotten some water in her nose while she was swimming.

As we walked towards the changing rooms, I asked my daughter what had happened and she basically told me the same thing; that she had gotten water in her nose. I then asked her if she wanted to continue with the swimming lessons and she nodded her head, meaning “yes”.

As we got into the car and drove home, I started thinking that my daughter had just showed a great act of courage. I imagine that at the time when water was rushing into her mouth and nose, she was feeling a lot of fear and panic and yet, not long after that traumatic experience, she was still willing to continue with her swimming lessons.

How many of us, as adults, experience something unpleasant, (not even traumatic), and from then on decide never to try it again? The answer, of course, is that most of us, at some point in our lives, have quit because something was just too hard, uncomfortable or too scary.

When you set out to do something to improve your life, don’t let a little (or a lot of) fear get in your way. Sometimes it’s not fear; it could be discomfort or it could be that whatever it is feels too hard or it could be that some people are laughing at it or discouraging it. Take a lesson from my five year old daughter and just keep at it!

One day, you’ll look at your life and it will be so much better! Positive change takes time, but it begins with overcoming one little (or big) thing at a time.

Peace

Mindful Mornings: When things don’t work

Sunday, November 6th, 2011

Anytime YOU get involved in something, before YOU throw your hands up and say that it did or does not work, you have to first consider if YOU worked. This applies to all things from entrepreneurial ventures to relationships and marriages. The only constant in your life is YOU and what YOU believe, think, speak and do. Anyone who has knowledge of this one truth can never blame anyone or anything when things don’t work out the way he or she wanted them to.

Peace.

MINDFUL MORNINGS:Find your Greatness

Monday, October 31st, 2011

We must all have intimate knowledge of our own power and greatness. It is only in knowing our own power that we can appreciate that of another person or gender. It is through a lack of knowledge of our own power that we become threatened by the power of another person or gender. If you know your own power you’re secure and if you don’t you’re insecure. This applies to both men and women equally.

Have a POWERFUL day!

MINDFUL MORNINGS: Giving Advice

Tuesday, October 18th, 2011

Someone gave me some “advice” recently and I honestly felt like a fish being told to get out of the water. The lesson? Well, land creatures should not give sea creatures advice 🙂

Seriously, though-I think that when we give advice (which I do a lot!!!) it is wise to first consider that even  if the advice that we’re giving sounds good to us, it may not be applicable to the person we’re giving it to because they operate on a very different set of principles and philosophies.

My response to the advice was very gracious because I think the person giving the advice honestly thought they were “helping”-THEY WERE NOT! But I do appreciate that even though we may be misguided at times, having good INTENTIONS does count for something 🙂

Marriage and the truth about it

Thursday, September 29th, 2011

I generally try to minimize how much advice I give about marriage mainly because having only being married close to seven years, I still feel that in “marriage world”, I’m still a baby and have a lot to learn! That being said, I do love to share good information when I come across it.

I read this blog post this morning and it really resonated with me so I HAD to share! Read it here and let me know your thoughts.

Mindful Mornings:Be YOU

Wednesday, September 14th, 2011

I am so loving being in my 30s. The last few years have been phenomenal. Life is amazing when you learn to stand (and walk) in your own truth. I will always work at being a better ME but I will Never apologize for being ME. I suggest you do the same.

Beyonce announces she is pregnant at MTV VMAs!

Monday, August 29th, 2011

Last night at the MTV Video Music awards Beyonce, aka Mrs. Carter, announced she was pregnant by opening her jacket to reveal a baby bump. As she rubbed her “bump”, the crowd went wild while her Husband Jay-Z danced and celebrated in the audience.

I must say, it is beautiful to see that, even in Hollywood, there is still an upholding and celebrating of so called old fashioned values.

I genuinely wish Mr. and Mrs. Carter a long and joyful marriage along with the new addition to their small family.

Black Women, HIV and National HIV Testing Day

Friday, June 24th, 2011

Today, I read that in a few days it will be National HIV Testing Day (June 27th). So I started thinking, about a decade ago, if anyone had suggested to me that celibacy was a viable “way of life” I would have laughed them off and asked them when they intended to return to the 50s! Years later, this is the advice that I genuinely give to most young women who solicit my advice. Does is seem a little “old fashioned”? Maybe. I do think though, considering that every single study that is being released on new cases of HIV infection shows that black women are still disproportionately leading, it is not as ridiculous as it may sound.

Some years ago, while I was still single, a very good male friend of mine, more like a brother really, suggested to me that maybe I should consider celibacy. Even in my Sex in the City watching mindset, I knew that the words he spoke were true and worth taking into consideration. These were the reasons why he suggested it:

1. Every time a woman engages in a sexual relationship with a man who does not think enough of her or himself to make a commitment, he affects her spiritual well-being and usually NOT IN A GOOD WAY!

2. Every time a woman engages in a sexual relationship, she is at a risk of falling pregnant-yes, even if protection is used!

3. Every time a woman engages in a sexual relationship, she is at risk of contracting a sexually contracted disease, including HIV which can lead to AIDS- yes, even if protection is used!

Now, I recognize that this is a rather conservative approach to the whole topic, but I do think that it is worth considering. The only way to make sure that you do not get infected with HIV from a sexual partner is not to have any sexual partners!

For those of us who are in marriages and committed relationships, of course celibacy is not a realistic option. We can however use the day to remind ourselves and those around us that when we practice fidelity, we protect ourselves and our partners from exposure to HIV and other harmful sexually contracted diseases. Let’s make a habit of holding ourselves to a high standard and let’s also hold those around us to the same standard.

This is my plea: If you have never been tested for HIV, please go and get tested; HIV is no longer the death sentence that it used to be. HIV infected people, when being treated with the right medications, can live long and purposeful lives. And for those that have been tested, go get tested again and take your friends and loved ones with you.

As for me, I did end up taking “my brother’s” advice all those years ago and I ended up meeting and marrying a man who was also holding himself to the same standard. Seven years later, I believe that was one of the best decisions I ever made!

Peace

Lessons from Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant

Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

I just watched a re-run of the Oprah Show in which she and Iyanla Vanzant had a conversation for the first time in eleven years in front of a studio audience. My greatest take away from watching these two women is so simple and yet so life changing.

Iyanla, after leaving the Oprah Show where she had been a frequent guest expert, went on to have her own show, the Iyanla Show. The lesson that I got from what she said came when she described how badly she was treated at the Iyanla show. Rather than say that people treated her badly, she rephrased what she started to say and then said “let me tell you WHAT I ALLOWED…” Wow!

Starting today, I will never have another “pity party” talking about how someone treated me badly and not at some point give some consideration to the fact that whatever they did, no matter how bad, was not only done by them but by me as well because I ALLOWED it.

So, my friends, let this be a lesson for you as well. Think back on your life and all the people who you, to this day, believe treated you badly. Remember that one boyfriend (or girlfriend) who “did you wrong” or those people at that job who you just know belong in hell for what they did to you? Well, the lesson here is that some portion of that blame (if blaming is what you’re doing) belongs to you…because you ALLOWED them to do whatever it is that you say they did!

Iyanla concluded by saying that she believes that in every experience, even if that experience is someone treating you in an unacceptable manner, there lies a lesson that you need to learn. For me that lesson has been simple; as Dr. Phil puts it: you have to teach people how to treat you.