Posts Tagged ‘how to be happy’

Mindful Mornings: Other People’s Opinions

Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

I’ve learned that as you become more and more of a “public figure”, you must be skilled in focusing and also eliminating distractions. You must be able to define yourself for yourself. If you do not do these two things, you’ll be pulled in so many directions that you won’t even know who you are anymore.

People will always have opinions and most of them are irrelevant but the most important opinion is the one that you have of yourself. What is your truth? And are you living it?

HOW I WON AT MRS WORLD 2011

Saturday, December 17th, 2011

1. I became a pioneer for my country as the first ever Mrs Botswana
In the history of Botswana, no married woman has ever taken the courageous and bold step to enter the Mrs World pageant and represent the beautiful married women of Botswana. I am proud and honored to have opened this door and it is my hope and desire that we will continue in this new and unique way of recognizing the hard work, accomplishments and beauty of the married women of Botswana.

2. I achieved a lifelong dream of representing my country at an international pageant
In 1997, I entered the Miss Botswana (World) pageant and was honored to attain second place and be crowned the first princess of Miss Botswana 1997. Mpule Kwelagobe won that year and a couple of years later she was the first ever contestant from Botswana to enter the Miss Universe pageant. Mpule went on to make history as the first ever Black African woman to win the Miss Universe pageant. Mpule’s win brought all us Batswana a great deal of joy and pride and I believe she represented us exceptionally but my desire to compete at an international pageant never left. By competing in the Mrs World 2011 pageant, I finally fulfilled one of my big dreams.

3. I raised awareness and brought attention to issues that I’m passionate about.
Those that know me know that I recently designed, piloted and taught a college level course designed for young black women and other women of color. I believe that personal development is the bridge that takes us from where we are to where we were born to be and my passion and purpose is to instill this one principle in as many young women as I can. Mentorship and good roles models affect us in such positive ways and the more women of substance that stand up and lead by example, the more of a positive impact we can make in our families, our communities and society as a whole.

4. I reclaimed my health, beauty and vigor.
When I decided to enter the Mrs World pageant, I decided to be the best that I can be. I walked in looking my best and feeling my best. It was about being the most beautiful, healthy, fit and positive ME that I could be and going after this goal injected some passion back into my life and I channeled it into doing better with my eating and exercise habits!

5. I made lifetime friends.
I was loved, affirmed, validated, encouraged and understood and it did not just stop there, I met women who I instantly loved and appreciated and I poured into them in the same way that they poured into me. I laughed and cried and connected with such phenomenal women and my life is forever changed by that beautiful experience.

6. I brought “Noma” to the Mrs World pageant
One of the things that I heard most consistently before and during the pageant was “just be yourself” and that is exactly what I did. Some people loved it, some liked it and some…not so much :-). The victory here is that I accept myself as I am and that opens the door for others to do the same and that is one of the most powerful lessons that I have learned in my adult life.

7. I took my very first “solo” and much needed vacation ever since I got married and subsequently had children.
Since I got married and had children, I have never been away from all of them and my job all at the same time. What this experience has done for me is that it gave me time and space to reflect on my life and my life choices. It gave me a new sense of appreciation for my wonderful husband and my beautiful children.

8. I carried myself with grace and dignity.
The low moment in this pageant experience was the announcement of the top 14 the judges selected and sadly, there was not a single African woman or black woman or a woman of African heritage or descent amongst them-not a single one. At a point during the final night, there was talk of the all black women boycotting the pageant and just walking off. I was instrumental in negotiating with those that felt strongly enough to do it and asked them to maintain their grace and dignity even in the moment of such blatant disrespect and disregard. We all walked back on the stage and supported the winner, Mrs America; a beautiful woman with such a big heart that I felt the crown was in its rightful place.

9. I realized just how much my friends and family love, admire and support me.
During the week leading up to the pageant, I got so many messages of love, encouragement and motivation from friends and family from all around the world and I am forever grateful for that. I am so humbled by the amount of faith that “my people” had in [God] and what he could do through me.

10. I failed to get the crown but every failure takes me one step closer to my ultimate success.
At the end of the day, I did not walk home with the crown and that is okay because as I said, every failure (even though this was ultimately not a failure) leads to my ultimate success and my success is that of my husband, Ezra Moses, my children, my parents and family, my community and my country, the diamond of Africa-Botswana.

Ke a leboga bagaetsho. (translation: Thank you my brethren /my countrymen)

Mindful Mornings: Happy and Grateful

Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

If you find yourself feeling down, sad and sorry for yourself, you have probably shifted your focus from what you DO have to what you DON’T have. Sometimes “happiness” is just about shifting your focus. Just be mindful of what you’re focused on and you’ll be amazed at how often you have to SHIFT. If you get in the habit of shifting your focus from what you DON’T have to what you DO have, you’ll be amazed at the results! This is how you begin to live a life of GRATITUDE.

Grateful people are “happy” people and ungrateful people are unhappy people. It really is that simple. What do you choose-gratitude and happiness or complaining and unhappiness?

I choose Gratitude.

Mindful Mornings:Freedom

Sunday, November 27th, 2011

I used to think that I wanted to be “free”; free from poverty, free from hate, hurt, being controlled…Today I am grateful for the revelation that I AM free and I have always been free. I am free because my freedom comes from within. I am free because I was created to BE free. Any bondage that we feel is a creation of our minds; it is not real.

FREEDOM IS REAL. It always has been and always will be. We can either embrace it or deny it.

Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.-A Course In Miracles

How to be a MAN by Boris Kodjoe

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2011

I just read this at Black Love and Marriage and I HAD to share it! Anyone who knows me knows that I am a firm believer in the “institution” of marriage so I’m always glad to read some good information and even happier to share it.

By Team BLAM

Happily married actor, Boris Kodjoe in response to a friends tweets about what to look for in a man, chimed in with a list of his own on how to be a man and how to love a woman. We give major props to Boris because he unashamedly represents marriage in a positive way and has no problem affirming his wife Nicole Arie Parker.

“- Embrace your imperfections

– Laugh at yourself. A woman likes a man who doesn’t take himself too serious.

– Fix or build something with your hands. It’ll show her that you are capable of taking care of a home.

– Know how to cook and clean. It’ll show her that you don’t need her but that you WANT her.

– Get your passport and travel. A man needs to see the world.

– Communicate without cursing. You don’t need to curse to make a point. Cursing shows lack of substance.

– In bed, take care of your woman first. When she’s satisfied you are DA MAN!!!

– Stay in shape. It’ll show her that you care about yourself and therefore are able to care about her.

– Take care of your responsibilities. Anything less is unacceptable. A boy is irresponsible, not a man.

– Open her her door and pull out her chair. It shows her that you honor traditional values. Trust me, she will do the same.

– Be present! Take her in with your eyes and ears. Your attention will make her feel loved and she won’t ever nag you.

– Read a f—ing book! (Sorry, violation of ‘no cursing’ rule) But seriously, ignorance is a major turn-off. Book on tape will do.

– Have an ambition. You don’t need to be rich but you need to show direction and motivation. Keep a job!

– Last one for today: Treat a woman the way you would want your daughter to be treated. Anything less is unacceptable.”

Ladies you may want to show this list to your man! Fellas if you’re reading this, take note.

A lesson in Courage from a five year old.

Sunday, November 13th, 2011

This morning I went to pick my five year old daughter up from her swimming lesson and as soon as I got to the pool, I noticed she had been crying. Her swimming instructor assured me that she was okay and let me know that she had gotten some water in her nose while she was swimming.

As we walked towards the changing rooms, I asked my daughter what had happened and she basically told me the same thing; that she had gotten water in her nose. I then asked her if she wanted to continue with the swimming lessons and she nodded her head, meaning “yes”.

As we got into the car and drove home, I started thinking that my daughter had just showed a great act of courage. I imagine that at the time when water was rushing into her mouth and nose, she was feeling a lot of fear and panic and yet, not long after that traumatic experience, she was still willing to continue with her swimming lessons.

How many of us, as adults, experience something unpleasant, (not even traumatic), and from then on decide never to try it again? The answer, of course, is that most of us, at some point in our lives, have quit because something was just too hard, uncomfortable or too scary.

When you set out to do something to improve your life, don’t let a little (or a lot of) fear get in your way. Sometimes it’s not fear; it could be discomfort or it could be that whatever it is feels too hard or it could be that some people are laughing at it or discouraging it. Take a lesson from my five year old daughter and just keep at it!

One day, you’ll look at your life and it will be so much better! Positive change takes time, but it begins with overcoming one little (or big) thing at a time.

Peace

Mindful Mornings: When things don’t work

Sunday, November 6th, 2011

Anytime YOU get involved in something, before YOU throw your hands up and say that it did or does not work, you have to first consider if YOU worked. This applies to all things from entrepreneurial ventures to relationships and marriages. The only constant in your life is YOU and what YOU believe, think, speak and do. Anyone who has knowledge of this one truth can never blame anyone or anything when things don’t work out the way he or she wanted them to.

Peace.

MINDFUL MORNINGS:Find your Greatness

Monday, October 31st, 2011

We must all have intimate knowledge of our own power and greatness. It is only in knowing our own power that we can appreciate that of another person or gender. It is through a lack of knowledge of our own power that we become threatened by the power of another person or gender. If you know your own power you’re secure and if you don’t you’re insecure. This applies to both men and women equally.

Have a POWERFUL day!

MINDFUL MORNINGS: Giving Advice

Tuesday, October 18th, 2011

Someone gave me some “advice” recently and I honestly felt like a fish being told to get out of the water. The lesson? Well, land creatures should not give sea creatures advice 🙂

Seriously, though-I think that when we give advice (which I do a lot!!!) it is wise to first consider that even  if the advice that we’re giving sounds good to us, it may not be applicable to the person we’re giving it to because they operate on a very different set of principles and philosophies.

My response to the advice was very gracious because I think the person giving the advice honestly thought they were “helping”-THEY WERE NOT! But I do appreciate that even though we may be misguided at times, having good INTENTIONS does count for something 🙂

Mindful Mornings: The mindset

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

This morning, during my quiet time, I had the thought that I have in the last few years become stronger (mentally). I realize that it was only through going through some “tough” times that I have, over time, become stronger. I’m finally at the point where when I feel like a particular challenge is threatening to overwhelm me, I can actually change my perspective and view it as an opportunity to grow and learn a lesson. I recognize that during a “rough” or “tough” time, it is not easy to look at what is going on favorably, BUT that is precisely what I am suggesting.

Since making this one shift in my mindset, I can honestly say it is next to impossible for anyone or anything to “ruin my day” or my life. Are you ready for a shift in your mindset? Let me know-leave a comment or e-mail me at [email protected]

Video version: