Posts Tagged ‘black women’

How “Side Hustles” Are Creating a New Face For Life Balance

Friday, September 26th, 2014

side-hustleAbout half a century ago, most people who got a job counted on the 4o-40-40 plan; you work a job for 40 hours a week and retire and live on 40% of your income. Now, most people understand that plan may not be the best plan. People change their jobs more frequently and companies lay of people more easily than than they used to.

There is now a trend of having a job as well as a “side hustle” which is basically having a second and typically smaller income, usually from an entrepreneurial venture.

According to Jaimee Ratliff, writing for blackenterprise.com:

If you’re feeling like your days are blending together and you’re unsure of how to maintain it all, here’s how you can make time for work-life balance when your side-hustles are your life:

Wake up a little earlier. This is a strategy that will never get old. We all want to hit the snooze button one three times before we get up to face the day, but challenge yourself to start waking up 30 minutes earlier. As a huge believer in being well rested, I’m not a big fan of the “no sleep” movement that some people swear will skyrocket you to success. With just an extra half-hour, you are able to get at least one thing scratched off that ever growing to-do list whether it’s getting a quick cardio session in, completing the intro of an article or sending out a few emails.

Prioritize realistic goals for each week. As much as we want to be a superhero and get everything done at once, it just isn’t possible—or realistic. Take some time at the beginning of each week to decide what small tasks should be completed in order to meet the deadline of a larger project. It’s best to break action items up into smaller chunks instead of trying to do everything upfront or waiting until the last minute and frantically piecing everything together.

Focus on one thing. I’ve had countless conversations with friends who are multi-passionate like me, and I’ve learned that it’s natural to want to pursue everything at once or maybe because you have so many interests, you’re unsure of what your key focus should be. I have a big fear that if I focus too much on one thing, I’m telling my other passions “I’m just not that into you”—which is really not the case at all. What I’m learning right now is, if you try to focus on everything, you’re really focusing on nothing. Taking the time to explore one or two projects work out best because it allows you to decide if what you’re pursuing is something you truly enjoy. If so, you will be able to dedicate more time to doing a good job at mastering what you love.

Click to read more

Boundaries; Why We Need Them

Tuesday, December 11th, 2012

By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

Recently, one of my FB friends was displeased with me because I deleted a comment she made on my wall. I had written a quote and a short statement after the quote and she responded to the post. After I deleted her first comment, she wrote a second one and I once again deleted her comment. The third comment she wrote, in response, was on her own wall and I had no power to delete it and this was the point. You see, what other people do is their business and I have no attachment to it, but what other people do to me…now that’s a different story.

We all have a responsibility to ourselves and to the people around us to make some clear and well defined boundaries. Boundaries let others know what you will and will not accept. In my example with my FB friend, I had written a post and she responded in a way that I felt was not in alignment with the post, so I deleted her comment. She did not like the fact that I deleted her post and she told me that “it saddened” her. My response was to let her know that it was not my intention to “sadden” her.[I think she was half joking; she was not really sad.] My intention was to make it clear to her that her comment was not acceptable to me and by deleting it, I believe that I did that. When she wrote on her own wall, I had no attachment to what she wrote…her wall; her boundaries. :-)

Sometimes people will not like the boundaries that you set and some may even deliberately cross the boundaries but that does not in any way invalidate the boundary. Again, your responsibility is to set the boundary-whether someone likes the boundary or not is not your business.

If a person deliberately crosses the boundary, you may remind them of the boundary, but don’t take it personally because their inability to respect boundaries is their “stuff”; not yours. If a person is consistently crossing your boundaries and you have been diligently reminding them of the said boundaries, then it’s decision time. People either contaminate or contribute to our lives and boundaries make it easier to see the difference. It is your decision who you allow in your life.

I’m not saying that we should all go around setting unnecessary boundaries and trying to decide if people are crossing them or not. Some boundary crossing is harmless, like the guy [or gal] at work who always gets right in your face during conversation or the boss who loves to touch people while he is talking to them or even my FB friend who from time to time writes silly things on my wall! What I am saying is: be clear about what you will and will not accept. The people who deserve to be in your life will respect that and those who don’t won’t.

Nomalanga helps Black women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , a former College Professor and Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s Facebook page or Follow her on Twitter

To find out how you can book Nomalanga for your next conference or event, click here.

Nomalanga: How To Win a Fight With Your Spouse

Thursday, November 1st, 2012

By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

One day last week, my husband made me so upset that I swear I could see red! I was steaming; so much so that my heart was racing and my nostrils were flared and I think I may have even broke a sweat.  I think my tongue still has bite marks from the series of things I felt like saying but did not say.

If you’re wondering why I was so upset, I have only one word for you: Business-as in mind your own! But on a serious note, below are three things that I did, that you can do as well, in order to win the fight.

1. Bite your tongue

Anytime you are upset, being upset colors everything. There is a reason why we use the word “mad” to describe being angry or upset. It really is true that in the heat of the moment, when a person is upset or angry, it could be said that they are “mad”. The wise thing to do is “bite your tongue” and not say anything until you have cooled off. If you choose to speak while you’re “mad”, you are more likely to escalate the fight-not win it. Running your mouth carelessly in the heat of the moment may feel somewhat good while you’re doing it, but it really only does damage in the long run and that is not winning.

2. Act the opposite of what you feel

When you married your spouse, you more than likely looked into each other’s eyes and made some declarations about what you would do as a husband or a wife. So if your spouse offends you in any way, you should be able to take it back-right? Wrong! Just because your spouse has made you “mad”, it does not mean that you can use that as an excuse to behave in an unacceptable way.

That day, after I wiped off the sweat and cooled off a bit, I proceeded to make my husband a delicious meal. No, there was no spitting in it or any ill will, somehow stirred into the food. What I was doing was acting in a way that was the opposite of what I was temporarily feeling. It doesn’t always have to be a delicious meal, it could be searching yourself and thinking about how you may have also offended your spouse and then approaching them and just offering an apology. Note: Offering an apology means just that-just an apology and no reason or explanations or expectations because that could just start something else. If you do this, you may not realize it, but you have won the fight with “the beast inside” and many, many marriages suffer from people not being able to tame that beast.

3. Say What you want

Saying what you want does not mean that you carelessly run your mouth and destroy  the valuable relationship that you have built. What it means is that you make sure that you have calmed down and then ask your spouse if they are willing to  hear what you want. If they agree, then it is okay to let them know what you do or do not want. This is not an opportunity to blame and name call-that is not winning; it is destructive and may just escalate the fight. If your partner says no to your request to let them know what you want or expect, repeat steps 1 and 2 and try step 3 again at a later time.

Most people typically get upset because they did not get what the wanted or expected. Saying what you want is an opportunity to open the doors of communication and allow room for negotiation and compromise. The only way to “win” a fight with your spouse is to dissolve it. Marriage is a partnership and no one wins when the two people in the marriage start to try to one up each other.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I will add that any fly on the wall in our home can tell you that this process does not go smoothly every single time. If you fail at step 1, it becomes even more important to move on to step 2 and 3. Finally, remember that nobody’s perfect. We are all each a work in progress and a little forgiveness and humility can go a long way.

Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com

Originally posted at Black Blue Dog

Why Venus and Serena will not Support a Movie Disrespecting their Father

Sunday, September 16th, 2012

Venus and Serena Williams have chosen to withdraw their support for a movie that chronicles their rise from Compton to their current super stardom as tennis and fashion “it girls”.

As is characteristic of the Williams sisters, they have not been vocal about the documentary nor their reasons for not supporting it. It is being reported that Venus , specifically, is the one who saw the movie and did not approve of how it depicted their father, Richard Williams. Venus is said to have requested that the movie makers make some changes to the movie because it suggested that their father was too controlling and even suggested that he was a womanizer because he allegedly has other children that he had out of wedlock. Even after the changes, the sisters have still chosen not to support the movie.

What I respect about the Williams sisters is that they are standing by their father even though that could mean a dent in their pockets. We can not know for certain how much of what the movie is suggesting about their father is true, but I reckon that even if it were all true, the sisters would still refuse to support it.

The lesson that I am drawing from the sisters is that a man does not have to be perfect for you to love him, respect him and be loyal to him. In fact, if that were the case, none of us women would be able to love any man!

I was born and raised in Botswana and am now married to someone who was born and raised in the U.S. so I have had the privilege of observing how our two cultures agree and how they differ. What I love about the stance that Venus and Serena took is that it reminds me of what I grew up experiencing and what in my observation is slowly slipping away in the culture that I have now become a part of, American culture.

A strong family unit is sustained buy BOTH a strong man and a strong woman. It saddens me to continue to see Black men and Black women throw mud in each other’s faces instead of recognizing each other’s short comings and stepping up to support and encourage each other where the other falls short.

I am not saying that we should be entirely accommodating of each other’s bad behavior, in fact, I believe that we should all hold each other accountable. That being said, I believe that we can hold each other accountable away from the public eye. In Tswana (from Botswana) culture, it is common for a woman to disagree with her husband and even at times give him a “tongue lashing” but as wives, we are advised to do so away from the public eye, preferable behind closed doors and preferably behind the bedroom door.

Too often I hear women complain about how “sorry” some men are and they list all the things that they have failed to do. While all that may be true, what good does it do him, or anyone, for that information to be taken and splashed across the tabloids? What good would it do if a movie was made and the movie showed a man’s shortcomings? Yes, there may be a few dollars to be made, maybe even a lot of dollars, but is it really worth it? I say: no.

I can’t be certain what part Oracene Price, Venus and Serena’s mother, played in their decision but I reckon she has a similar feeling about the situation. I reckon she raised her daughters to love and respect their father, even though her relationship with him took a different turn that what I imagine they had originally intended.

I am a woman so I can directly say this to my sisters: If you ever wonder why “brothers won’t commit”, consider that maybe they have lost confidence in marriage because women like Venus and Serena are so rare nowadays. Maybe they don’t believe that they can find a woman who will see all their shortcomings and rather than use them to attack and bring them down, that woman will be a supporter and encourager.

For all we know, every piece of dirty laundry the movie wants to air about Richard Williams could be true.We do also have to consider, though, that maybe it is not. What we do all know is that Richard Williams has invested a tremendous amount of blood, sweat and tears into his daughters. Yes, they are talented and skilled but I don’t believe that they would have achieved international tennis stardom had it not been for his investment in their lives. That, I believe is what Venus and Serena choose to focus on and celebrate.

Should we hold our men accountable and tell the truth? Absolutely, but a movie premier is certainly not the time and place to do so and I applaud Venus and Serena for recognizing that and standing on that principle.


Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com

Originally Posted at YourBlackBloggers

Why Women Like Eddie Long’s Wife Stay after Public Humiliation

Friday, September 7th, 2012

I just read a story about Vanessa Long sharing the “storm” she survived after her husband, Eddie Long, the senior pastor of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, was accused of “having relations” with five young men in the ministry.

Vanessa Long, who herself is an elder at New Birth, spoke to a group of women in the Heart to Heart Ministry at New Birth sharing that the whole experience was a very gruesome struggle but her final decision was to stay with her husband and their church.

As I read the story, I was reminded of the Monica Lewinsky scandal that put the then, First Lady Hilary Clinton, in a similar predicament. I remember being very judgmental of Mrs Clinton, at the time, in my arrogant and youthful ignorance. Now, as I approach eight years of marriage, my perspective has shifted. I am able to see that Elder long (and Mrs. Clinton) can seem like foolish women who are taking this “marriage thing” a little too far but I also see that it is not so simple.

First of all, most people who walk into marriages take vows and those vows, usually say that the couple should stand by each other through “thick and thin” and through “sickness and health” and of course that does not just mean that wives or husbands can’t walk away if their spouses get sick; it means that you vow to stay no matter what!

I will admit, I have somewhat of a bias; I was born and raised in a two parent home and in less than two years, my parents will celebrate 40 year of marriage. Through them, I have learned that if you’re committed to your marriage and the well-being of your children and the stability of your community, there really is next to nothing that can convince you to walk away from your marriage. Further more, my perspective is colored by being raised in a different country where the culture places a very high value on marriage, family and community.

The alarming rate at which people choose to end their marriages today is by far not an indicator of the exceptions of “through thick and thin” but instead an indication that the way modern day society perceives marriage is shifting and not in a good way. If you haven’t already, just spend some time talking to a psychologist or sociologist about the crippling effects of broken homes.

Of course there are exceptions; too often, we hear about battered women who stayed in abusive marriages right up until their husbands took their lives. This is an extreme example and those are the instances where divorce is almost certainly the only option.

In her conversation with the women she was speaking to, Elder Long shared that part of the reason why she stayed was because she wanted to stay with her New Birth family and also because she believed that she could use her experience to inspire and minister to other women who are going through their own “storms”.

How I interpret what she is saying is that she did not just stay because she did not want to leave Eddie Long; she stayed because she understands that her marriage serves a greater purpose than just a relationship between two people. Maybe Mrs. Long considered her three children and thought that even though they had probably suffered a great deal of embarrassment from the attention they got in the scandal, they still deserved to be with both their parents in one household. Maybe Mrs. Long thought about having to leave all the meaningful relationships she had been building for years and the standard of living that she was accustomed to and decided that Eddie Long’s alleged actions should not rob her and her children of those things. Maybe, Mrs. Long thought about the day she said “till death do us part” which meant that even though what her husband was being accused of made her vomit, understandably, he was still alive and that meant that she was still his wife.

I don’t believe that any woman can say with certainty what she would do if she were in the same position as Mrs. Long. We will never know what Mrs. Long’s conversations with God were, as she undoubtedly knelt to pray for the strength and courage to endure the “storm” that her husband had led her into. What I do know is that far more marriages end in divorce than is necessary. I believe that anyone who decides to get married should, as Dr. Phil puts it, “earn their way out” of marriage. What Dr. Phil means is that every possible option to save the marriage should be exhausted before a couple decides they want to swap out their spouse like a old pair of shoes or yesterday’s underwear.

The people who sustain their marriages understand that marriage is not to be taken lightly and it requires commitment, perseverance, sacrifice, selflessness and an understanding that marriage serves a greater purpose than two people getting together because they “love” each other.

Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AT BLACK LIKE MOI

Why Men Like Paul Ryan Date Black Women (Video)

Saturday, September 1st, 2012

In this video, Dr. Boyce Watkins and I discuss the article/blog I wrote, “Why Men Like Paul Ryan Date Black Women”.

The article is below the video.

Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana.
Originally Posted at Black Blue Dog.

If you want your life to go from Good to Great, read Nomalanga’s tips here

Why Men Like Paul Ryan Date Black Women
By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

Paul Ryan, the Republican Party’s nominee for Vice President of the United States in the 2012 election, “casually” mentioned, in an interview, that he dated a Black woman. He also mentioned that he has a Black sister in law.Somehow this brought back memories of when I would be around non-Black people who would try to make me feel “comfortable” by telling me that they had a Black maid, but I digress.

So now we know that Paul Ryan dated a Black woman-now what? Well we know that Ryan mentioned those particular tidbits of information to somehow make a case for his ongoing campaign to convince us that he is not a racist and has the interest of Black people in mind as he vies for the number two spot in running the country.

Soooo, since he brought it up, lets mull over why men like him, a white conservative from small- town-USA might end up dating a woman like Deneeta Pope, a Black woman who supports the re-election of President Obama.

Well, maybe Ryan and Pope did not burden themselves with all this race talk and were instead, two people who happened to take a liking to each other, dated, found out it wasn’t mean to be and amicably went their separate ways. According to TMZ, Pope says Ryan and his wife even attended Pope’s wedding in May.

On the other hand, we’ve all heard the ridiculous myth that Black women in America only fit in one of two boxes: prude or crude, as in having an insatiable appetite when it comes to “rolling in the hay”. That being said, I can think of few men, none actually, who would be drawn to a woman because they think she is prude… So maybe, Mr. Ryan had an understandable curiosity about what it would be like to date a Black woman, you know, to see if the myth is true.

Obviously neither of the possible reasons I have cited are supposed to be a college level thesis, but I do find it interesting that his brother is married to a Black woman. Maybe the Ryan brothers are not just “curious” but just happen to be men who have the ability to see a woman for more than her skin color.

The next question then, is: does that make a difference in the upcoming presidential race? Well, if I were one of those people who actually thought that being a Republican or a Democrat meant anything, I would probably not jump from my assumed Democratic side to the Republican side just because the nominee for the number two position, on the Republican side, dated a Black woman years ago and I seriously doubt that anyone else would.

A Black Woman or Man in a Hostile Work Place

Wednesday, July 18th, 2012

One day I woke up feeling so drained of energy that I just did not want to get out of bed. I forced myself out of bed, showered, got ready and hopped into my car and went to work. At work, I went through the motions as best as I could even though I felt like was about to collapse. That evening, as I sat on the couch at home, away from my children and my husband (they could all sense that it was best to stay away from their cranky mother/wife), I came to a realization. I was dying, slowly, but surely.

Every day, I woke up, took a shower, put on some make-up, did my hair and then walked, as a sheep, to my own slaughter. You see, the reason why I was dying was because I allowed myself to work in a work environment where there were people who were killing me. They didn’t hold a gun to my head or stab me with a knife. That would be too outrageous-right? Instead, they did it slowly and I was no better than them because I was a willing participant. When they poked at me, I reacted! When they talked about me and I heard about it, I cried and believed what they were saying! Every day I went to the building that the slow killing was taking place and I thought that a measly check, given to me every two weeks, was enough compensation for my own death-a slow death but a death, nonetheless…
What I have just described is my life as it was some years ago before I left the particular job that I had at the time. I have heard a number of friends and family members describe a similar set of circumstances where they were “the only one” at their work place and experienced negative treatment.

The terrible part of what I and many women (and men) of color experience is that it can be very subtle. It can be a feeling of being micro-managed or having your errors being paid more attention to than anybody else’s. Sometimes it’s as casual as returning from the weekend and everyone except you is talking about how much fun they had together over the weekend. Sometimes you step out of your office and everyone is gone… They have all gone for lunch and you’re the only one they didn’t invite.

My reaction to this experience was to find a new place to work. One of the “non-negotiables” in my job search was that the workplace had to have a lot of diversity and have inclusion as one of its core initiatives.

Can anyone really ever escape the effects of being excluded because they are different? I don’t think so but I do believe that staying in a work place that constantly erodes your self esteem and self worth is an unhealthy way of living one’s life. Some might say, “You’re being excluded because you’re unpleasant to be around.” Well, if that was the case, I believe that every person who left a workplace that was not inclusive would continue to experience the same treatment everywhere they went but most people who leave jobs that are lacking in diversity among their employees usually report a better working environment when they are not “the only one” somewhere else.

Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com

Originally posted at BlackBlueDogs

Let’s Support Fathers, Especially Black Fathers

Sunday, June 17th, 2012

Today is the day that we celebrate fathers all over the world. It seems that we so often focus on how challenging it is for modern day mothers who are still expected to attend to all the needs of their children and yet are now also trying to succeed in their careers. While I have first-hand knowledge of the complexities of being a modern day working mother or just a modern day mother, period, I have an ever increasing level of compassion for the modern day Father, especially the Black father.

It’s no secret that, in the US, the two parent family is increasingly becoming the exception while the single parent home is increasingly becoming the norm. And if you take a look at Black communities all around the country, unfortunately, that becomes even truer. I’ll save my speculation as to why we are facing these circumstances for another day and instead bring the focus back to the Black father.

Most of these single parent homes that are increasingly becoming the norm are typically headed my Black women and the Black father is often subjected to the whims of the said mother. Today, I am appealing to all Black mothers to set aside their own feelings about a man they may not necessarily, love, like or even respect and let him be a father to his child or his children. It’s not enough to just be a willing participant; you have to be your child’s advocate in doing everything that you can to make sure that he or she has a relationship with his or her Father.

I’ve heard all the stories about the dead-beat fathers or the ones who don’t care or the ones who don’t pay their child support etc. The truth still remains that every child deserves to love their father and to be loved by their father, no matter who the father is or what he has or has not done.

One woman once relayed a story to me about how her mother would not allow her father to see her because he had disappointed her so many times by saying he was coming and then not showing up. Her mother then decided to “cut him off” entirely to spare her daughters feelings and the woman never saw her father again. Years later she found out that he had continued to attempt to see her but her mother would not allow it. This birthed a small resentment towards her mother and now she had to deal with resenting both of her parents, her father for not being around and her mother for not letting him. This is a sad story, but unfortunately, it is a common one.

I’ve had the privilege of not only growing up in a home with both of my parents who are still married today, and I am also raising my two children with my best friend and husband who is also their father. I am very grateful for my circumstances and very grateful to my parents who may have had numerous opportunities to go their separate ways but instead, put my well-being and that of my siblings, ahead of their own personal feelings and desires. I am also grateful to my husband who continues to put up with my many “complexities” because he loves his children and wants them to have a safe and secure home. That being said, I never fail to mention that our marriage has not worked because we were “lucky” to have found each other; it is actually quite the opposite. We work at it and we do so, amongst other things, for the benefit of our children.

I share some of my personal story for one reason and that is simply to say that we all have different circumstances and we all make different choices about how we live our lives but let’s make the same choice when it comes to our children and their fathers. Let’s support the fathers of our children in being the best fathers that they can be regardless of their circumstances. Let’s set aside any negative thoughts and feeling and just focus on what is good and what is possible when a man loves his child or his children and they have the opportunity to love him back.

Happy Father’s Day.

Originally Posted at Your Black World

Why Oprah Should Not Give Up on Own TV

Wednesday, June 13th, 2012

We’ve all been watching what some might call Oprah Winfrey’s desperate attempt to increase the ratings on her television network, OWN. Some say she is desperate because of the recent interview that she did with Curtis “50 cent” Jackson.

During the height of her television success as the host of the Oprah Show, Oprah often spoke out about her distaste for rappers and the way that their lyrics disrespected women. She was especially vocal about rappers who used the word “bitch” as though it was a synonym for women. So it is not surprising that many are speculating that she is desperate when she has a person like “50 cent”, who is well known for calling women “bitches”, on one of her shows.

The way I look at it is that she is no longer just running a show; she is running a network. She is running a network that not only caters to the “Oprah” audience, but to a very broad demographic. Her network is not just about her, it is as symbolic as the Obama presidency. It is as symbolic as Tyler Perry studios. Never before has a Black woman taken it upon herself to have her OWN television channel, just as before President Obama was elected, we had never seen a Black man run a First world country, let alone the United States of America. Before Tyler Perry opened his studios, again we had never seen a Black man open a studio and produce movies on his OWN terms.

Many who know Oprah’s life story know that she has encountered hardships that some of us can not even imagine. She was told “no” more times than she could count and yet she persevered and ended up having the most successful day-time talk show that has ever been on television. People may say her network is “struggling” or “failing” but from where I stand, she was a success before OWN was ever launched and she will continue to be a success. Even if she closes the doors to OWN, she will always be the first ever Black woman to step out and say, “I want my OWN…” The same applies to Tyler Perry and President Obama; no one can take away what they have accomplished. There will always be those who do nothing and stand on the sidelines waiting to point out what the “doers” have failed at, instead of seeing them for the pioneers that they are. That should never be a reason to give up and I hope that Oprah will not give up on OWN.

Originally Posted at Your Black Bloggers

Queen Latifah and Raven Simone Should “Come out”

Tuesday, June 5th, 2012

Queen Latifah has reportedly said that she is “not coming out” and she will not disclose her sexual orientation. Recently, Raven Simone also reportedly stated that she was not willing to disclose her sexual orientation.

First of all, just to be clear, everyone has the right to “come out” or not or to say that they will not discuss their personal life in a public forum. That being said, when a celebrity’s sexual orientation comes into question, the only way to stop the rumor mill from going wild is to publicly state the truth.

The issue that I see with Queen Latifah’s decision to make a public statement about her decision to remain silent about her sexual orientation is that it is like speaking out of both sides of her mouth. If she was going to ignore what was being said, she could have just not participated in interviews on the subject and just ignored the rumors. On the other hand, being interviewed and then saying that she is not going to reveal something that people are curious about does not serve her or the Gay community.

If Queen Latifah is indeed gay, her unwillingness to “come out” suggests that, unlike what she said, she is not willing to “stand with her people”. If she is not gay, it would also be easier for her to just say so. Of course, people will still speculate and continue to wonder but it will certainly not be to the degree it is when she remains silent about the issue.

Keeping your private life out of the tabloids is something that I completely understand. There are a lot of celebrities and non-celebrities who choose to keep their private lives out of the lime light. A good example is Oprah Winfrey and Stedman Graham. Oprah has stated may times that she prefers to keep her relationship with Stedman private. At the end of the day, though, we still know that Oprah is heterosexual and we understand that the details of her relationship are private.

I have nothing but love for both Queen Latifah and Raven Simone but let’s be “real”-if you were not gay, it would have been easier to just say that you’re not gay. Not saying anything leads people to believe that you are gay and then also begs the question, why won’t you just say it?

Originally posted at Your Black Bloggers