Posts Tagged ‘Black Marriage’

Why the Pastor who says married people should have sex seven days a week may be right

Monday, April 2nd, 2012

I just read an article about a pastor, Pastor Mike Scruggs who has brought a stripper pole, along with a bed, into his church, the Light of Word Ministries in White Oak, Ohio, as part of his new sermon series all about sex. Under normal circumstances, I would find this type of preaching over the top but in this particular instance, I find it quite appropriate.

The Pastor is suggesting that more married couples indulge in one of marriage’s most basic and traditional “rights” and I do not see anything wrong with that. A lot of the issues that we face in Black communities around the country stem from the results of extra-marital sex. Teenage pregnancy, unplanned single parent homes, higher rates of HIV infection and higher rates of other sexually transmitted diseases are among the many issues that ail Black communities.

The Pastor has taken it upon himself to address an issue that many other pastors shy away from. I can remember about seven years ago, shortly after I got married a wise woman sat me down and shared with me, what she thought were the three most critical areas of marriage to pay attention to. The first two were taking care of your finances and communicating well and the third was “intimacy”. The reason why I’m sharing this quick story is of course to highlight the third area that she felt was important. It also happens to be the area that she spent the most amount of time discussing. I remember her suggesting that at times, it is hard for women to keep up with their husbands’ “demands” but she insisted that it was necessary at times to just “take one for the team”. Although the conversation was light and full of humor, I have never forgotten what she said and have gone on to have many discussions with married women who also place a high level of importance on “intimacy”, among other things, as a way of keeping their marriages happy and healthy.

So, here is the bottom line; if you’re married, have lots and lots of sex! Pastor Mike Scruggs thinks it’s a great idea and I’m willing to bet that if you’re a married woman, your husband will agree with the pastor! If you’re not married, refrain from having lots and lots of sex! You may just be protecting yourself from many diseases and if you’re a man, you decrease the chances of sharing your paycheck (read: pay child support) with a woman you didn’t marry for 18 to 25 years!

Walter “BlackBond” Cobb: What Men Like in Women

Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

Do You have the time is an age old pick up line that is hardly used in this manner any longer, but I think I will start using it when getting to know a woman. Today, women are in the work force accomplishing more than they ever have and many often have to juggle running a home and a family on their own. I commend them for this, but so often they are not making time for life. To me, there are very few traits that are as attractive as a woman having a zest for life. But where has that zest gone??? I hear about women who hit the snooze button a few times in the morning and roll out the bed in just enough time to get dressed and head for work. No breakfast being made. Many just grab some junk in the morning as they hit the drive through for their morning coffee. An even worse phenomenon happens in the evening. Women are saying they don’t have enough time to cook dinner for themselves or their kids as they are putting extra hours in at the office and are too tired to cook when they get home. So take out it is, or even worse, fast food drive through.

Okay, we know this and now you are asking what does this have to do with male/female relationships. When a man starts thinking that he wants to get to know a woman seriously, he considers a lot of things. To me, a woman who cannot seem to carve out enough time in her daily routine for herself, will have you competing for time with her. Even if she likes you! Now I am all for earning your attention but if we have to compete with life we will lose every time. Women always say men have short attention spans and this is a sure fire way to lose our attention. It is endearing to me when I hear a woman telling me how she makes time to hit the gym and take care of herself. It makes me think she will also make the time to take care of me. Right or wrong this is how we think. Read the rest here.

African American Women and thier families

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

This morning I read an excellent article that reminded me why I decided to raise the standard of my behavior and why I continue to do my best to become a better woman, wife and mother.

When my baby boy was born two and a half years ago, my life changed and it has never been the same. Considering that I had already had my now five year old daughter, I couldn’t understand why having a baby had such a transformational effect on me.

Upon reflection, I’ve come to realize that the reason why the birth of my son changed me so much was because I live in America and my son is one day going to grow up to be a “black man”. Being a black man in America, I believe, is one of the most complex of existences. Currently, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the unemployment rate of black men is at 18% while “white” male unemployment is at 8%. I generally don’t watch the news anymore, but when I used to, more often than not, I would see a mug shot of some black man while the news commentator said something along the lines of “wanted” or “armed and dangerous”. And now I am raising a future “black man”.

Since the birth of my son, I have become more aware and maybe even sensitive to how young black men are perceived and treated. I’ve become more aware of how I treat my own husband because he is the model that my son is looking at to shape his perception of how a man should be treated as well as how he should behave. I cannot control my husband or what he says and does, but I know that I can control myself and how I behave. My son (and my daughter) is watching and for that reason, I will never stop being the best role model that I can be.

You can check out the article here.