Myths About Marriage Unmarried People Tend to Believe

black-couple-huggingBy Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

Long before I ever got married, I heard the saying “marriage is what you make it” and even then, as a young, unmarried woman who was not even sure if marriage was in my future, I believed what I was hearing. Today, after 10 years of marriage, I can honestly say that is one of the most simple and true things that I have heard about marriage. There are however may things that I hear about marriage that are just myths. Below, are seven myths about marriage:

1. It will be perfect – I reckon fairy tales have done more harm than good because it seems that we live in a time when people walk into marriage expecting it to be “perfect”. When things get a little (or a lot) hard, many people choose to end their marriage instead of resolving the issues that are making it hard.

2. It won’t be perfect – Sometimes you will be blissfully happy and everything in your marriage will be just like you wanted or imagined. The key is understanding that marriage has ups and downs, so even if it feels perfect, that perfection will eventually be replaced by a problem or conflict and that is part of the journey.

3. You should have a parent/child relationship – Nothing kills the romance in a marriage like falling into a parent/child pattern of behavior. Some people think that it is their responsibility to tell their spouse what to do – it isn’t! They are an adult and they can think for themselves and have the right to do so.  You’ll even often hear women say things like “men are such babies”. If that is the case then what does that make his wife – his mother? Hardly.

4. It’s like being in jail – Your priorities tend to shift (as they should) once you have a marriage and a family. Even so, being a responsible adult is not the same as being an imprisoned one. Most married couples get as much freedom as they give to their spouse. Making another person feel trapped is not healthy – it’s not what marriage is about and if it happens, it is something that should be resolved, not accepted.

5. The sex is dull, boring and almost non-existent – I’ll just reiterate what I have already said – Marriage is what you make it! If you’re dull and boring then that’s what your “night time” will be like and if you’re not…(you know the rest).

6. You’ll get tired of each other – One of the most important functions of marriage is to grow and evolve together and to encourage, support and stretch each other along the way. If you make this one of your priorities, it is highly unlikely that you will grow tired of each other. Your relationship will deepen and evolve.

7. Fighting means there is a “big problem” – Many people view disagreements and conflicts between couples as a sign of a “big problem”. The problems arise when conflicts are mismanaged and allowed to spiral into escalated voices, mean spirited words and even violence. Conflict, though, is an opportunity to negotiate, create healthy boundaries and compromise so that each partner walks away feeling satisfied – a “win – win” situation.  Not everyone starts out with the maturity and skills to manage conflict and the great news is that they can be learned over time.

 What other myths have you heard about marriage?

Nomalanga is a Life Balance Expert. Her speaking and coaching programs help busy women who struggle to balance Marriage, Motherhood and Money-Making™.  She is an avid blogger and a highly sought after instructor and speaker.

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