Self Esteem; How to change

Most of the time when I write, I write from my personal experiences with the faith that what I share will be informational, encouraging or inspiring. Up until now, I have generally kept my most intimate relationship, my marriage, completely private and I will continue to do so, but today, I am allowing everyone a small peak inside. Yesterday, I had an intimate conversation with my husband and one simple thing he said, reduced me to tears.

“You’re a good person, Noma.”

That was all it took to reduce me to tears. One of the reasons why this one simple truth reduced me to tears is that it had three levels.
1. It is true
2. He genuinely believes it to be true
And the most profound one is
3. I genuinely believe it to be true.

To some, it may seem like such a simple and maybe even uninteresting, random piece of information. Those of us, however, who have been challenged with living with a low self esteem, learning to raise it and finally overcoming it, through change, to emerge as solid, confident and authentic women (or men), will understand the victory in hearing those words and recognizing their three levels; most importantly, the third level.

It is my firm belief that everyone, yes, EVERYONE, is good; or more accurately put, has the seed of goodness within them. What is sad is that sometimes, we don’t know that to be true. We start to believe the lie that we are evil, bad, undeserving etc. Sometimes, it is other people who don’t see the good in us and unfortunately, we buy into the lies that they have bought into.

Here is a small challenge: Think about what you say to yourself about yourself. (Inner dialogue) This usually translates to what you say, out loud, about yourself and how you conduct yourself. Every day, I hear people say things like “I’m such a loser”, “I’m so clumsy”, “ I’m so fat” and on and on and on! None of these statements are “good” but these people are thinking them, speaking them and displaying the behaviors that correlate with the thoughts and statements and that is ultimately the state of their lives.

One of the reasons why I was reduced to tears when I heard the words “You’re a good person, Noma.” was that in that moment, I realized that I had heard those words spoken to me before and had intellectually thought it to be true but there was always some background whisper (in my mind) that always said “That is not true…” and sadly, the whisper would continue with a laundry list of items to back up the lie. Tears streamed down my face as I realized that, in that moment, the whisper was not there. I realize that it may come back, but I now know that my voice, my husband’s voice and the truth are so much more powerful.

The knowledge of my “goodness” translates into my thoughts, speech and conduct. I’m not saying that I am without flaws or that I don’t sometimes make mistakes and even, at times, run into my own ego. What I am saying is that I have raised my level of thought, speech and conduct. In so doing, I have watched as my life has slowly unraveled to conform to this one thought. I now enjoy a healthy relationship with myself. I love myself and respect myself. I treat my husband with love and respect and he mirrors that back to me. It does not stop with just me and my husband; I approach every person I meet with love and respect and more often than not, I get the same love and respect. I meet every day with an expectation that it will be fantastic and it usually is.

All in all, I have a wonderful life!

My final thought is this: If you’re not satisfied with your life or life circumstances, then your starting point is your thoughts. What are you thinking? Whatever you’re thinking is what is ultimately creating what you perceive as an unhappy life. If you can change your thoughts, you can change your life. I did it and so can you!

Peace

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