Black Man Says a Black Woman Who Is $exy But Can’t Cook, Clean and Has No Substance is Useless

exy-black-womanBy Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

So, I’m scrolling down my Facebook timeline and I come across a post (and the image to the left) being shared by one of my Facebook friends. The post was written by a Black man who appears to have run into too many shallow Black women.

I think it has been said enough that true beauty starts from within so hearing someone say it is nothing new. While the brother who wrote this random post may be perceived as being a little harsh, he is actually making some very valid points. I actually believe that what he has brought up works two ways.

He takes issue with Black women and is telling us that Black men are basically tired of Black women who have nothing to offer except “$exy” but, like I said, the idea works both ways. There are many women who get involved with men simply because they feel a $exual attraction to them and nothing else. In many of these scenarios, the women will fall pregnant and then realize that “$exy” doesn’t pay the bills; not even child support that is mandated by the courts.

So, if you’re a Black woman reading the random thoughts below, first read it as it is and and use it as a peek into a Black man’s mind. Don’t take offense to any of it; I didn’t agree with some of the choice of words the brother chose but I did not take offense. Then, take the word “woman” and replace it with “man” and use this as a tool to really question yourself about the kind of man/men you have allowed into your life. Did you you look beyond “$exy” and do you do so now?

Here is the Facebook post: (let me know your thoughts).

Random thoughts:
Are black women $exy? No doubt! When it comes to $exiness sisters have no equal. But can I be honest with you? I’m actually TIRED of $exy black women. Now hear me out on this, please.

$exiness don’t mean jack snot. Not in the grand scheme of things. Visually appealing, yes. But I can’t eat $exiness. $exiness won’t help pay these bills or pay off our student loans. $exiness won’t qualify for a mortgage, or get the IRS off my back long enough to make my next big business move.

$exiness won’t help me raise these kids. Neither will it teach my daughters their true worth and value in this world.

We got way too many ‘$exy’ sistas out here with nothing else to bring to the table. $exiness is the totality of their package. And that’s WACK!

Most black men looking for a relationship want a USEFUL woman. Visual appeal alone won’t cut it. Besides: there are so many black women competing to be the $exiest, it’s not even a race worth entering.

Can you cook? Do you clean? Do you have mothering skills Do you love your father? Respect him? Respect other black men in general? Have you divested yourself of prior relationship baggage? Can you hold a conversation about REAL world events? And no: Love and Hip Hop doesn’t count!

Do you have a REAL relationship with a REAL God: or do you follow the fake one many American Christians have invented for themselves because he’s more tolerable than the actual Truth?

These are the kind of questions discerning men are asking nowadays.

So if $exiness is all you bring to the table, you can keep it. I’d rather have a woman of pure unadulterated SUBSTANCE. And I’m sure I speak for most conscious-thinking brothers out there on this one.

There’s a new breed of black men out there ladies. And we ain’t settling for second best or taking any shorts. Either come correct or go get with Tyrone. That’s all many of you are use to dealing with anyway…

Nomalanga helps Black women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , a former College Professor and Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s Facebook page or Follow her on Twitter

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3 Responses to “Black Man Says a Black Woman Who Is $exy But Can’t Cook, Clean and Has No Substance is Useless”

  1. SB says:

    The Title, while an attention getter, is not the best representative of the brother’s comments. The emphasis was on substance rather than telling sisters that they’re useless if not cooking and cleaning. His message is something that mothers of substance teach their daughters. Of course, we can expect folks with wrongful, anti-Black family agendas to take the title of this subject & the brother’s comments out of context. We Black folks can’t afford to get lost in their foolishness, though!

    The responsibility to teach our young women AND men to be people of substance…. more than thugs, walking sex machines, and trivially-minded experiments on reality TV…rest with us. Therefore, the ball’s in our court.


  2. Glory Mosby says:

    I applaud him!! He spoke his mind & was very clear as to the type of woman that he wants in his life!! I wasn’t offended not one bit because actually those are my exact thoughts & feelings regarding the type of man that I want in my life!! So kudos to him for knowing exactly what he want & not backing down from it!! :*

  3. momofthesixties says:

    I have 2 sons and 1 daughter and all three can cook, clean, mother/father and they work full time jobs. As a mother I made sure of that for I did not want them rushing into marriage looking for someone to take care of them financially as well as be their maid and butler! Today we have too many parents that places too much on their children’s beauty instead of their common sense and mind! They end up being a handicap to some man or woman so I agree with the article.

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