Posts Tagged ‘successful african american women’
What We Need To Know About the Independent Woman
By Guest Blogger: Walter Cobb
Man fears what he doesn’t understand. Women and children do too, but perhaps more so, men. We now live in an ever evolving time. Women, to the dismay of some, have moved out of their traditional roles in the home and into various roles outside of it. This change in roles has brought about a change in relationships. Women are now asserting their power and dominance in the fields of entertainment, politics, sports and even love and relationships. This scares many of men and have lead some men to cry foul. We like to be in control in the relationship. Well at least think we are.LOL. Women are singing of their independence and sporting the “I don’t need a man to do for me attitude.” I do believe those who run around screaming and singing the mantras don’t fully have a grasp on what it truly means to be independent. But that’s not the purpose of the writing. I am writing to school the men.
Fellas, just because a woman may be independent by her actions does not mean she wants to operate as such. It is just that she is at a point in her life where she is truly capable of providing the trinkets and bobbles for themselves. This does not mean that they do not appreciate a showing of your affection for them with a trinket or two. Regardless of how independent she may say or appear to be a woman feels that she should not have to step our of the car on a cold day to pump gas when you are with her. I know, I know you are saying if she is so independent this would not and should not be an issue. But do not let her independence block the chivalry that they so desire to be shown. Chivalry makes them feel special for even a brief moment. It reminds her that she is the lady and ultimately, that YOU are the man.
Many women now enter relationships owning their own house. This is a great thing. Though she is capable of buying her own house she still WANTS you to be able to come over and deal with that scary mouse she saw scurrying across her kitchen floor. If you are handy with the tools, she still appreciates you getting under that sink to fix that leak. And if you aren’t she still likes for you to get under there and look like you know what you are doing.
A woman who is truly independent and secure in her independence will never stand in the way of a man who understands his role as the man. She DOES NOT WANT to take the lead in deciding on what to do on the date. Even though her bank account says she is able to wine and dine you, she still desires that from a man. An independent woman doesn’t want to have to remind you that she is capable of doing for herself and possibly doing for you if need be. She doesn’t want to HAVE TO TELL YOU that she still needs looking out and protection. She is just independent enough to move on if her desires aren’t met.
So men, I warn you to steer clear of the women who walk around screaming at the top of their lungs that they are independent and can do for themselves. For they are trying to convince themselves of this. But a woman who is secure in her independence has a desire to be with a man. They no longer have the NEED to be with or defined by one.
“The lifting up of the woman does not require the tearing down of the man.” Bishop T.D. Jakes
“During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to this struggle of the African people, I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if it needs be it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.” (Nelson) Rolihlahla Mandela
I’ve come to realize that often when people speak out against racism, they are viewed as racists. When women speak out about sexism, they are perceived as “man haters”. I can’t speak for anyone else on this matter so I will speak for myself.
The way I see it, racism (and sexism) is this huge, thick wall that I keep running into. My response to the wall is NOT to then go and build another wall that people who are different from me (Non-black people for example) will then run into. My response is to first acknowledge that the wall exists and then explore if the wall exists primarily in my mind or if it exists in reality. I really wish I could say the wall was in my mind because that would mean that I could just deal with my mind and the “problem” would be solved! Just to be clear: more often than not, the wall is real. I respond to the wall by doing my part to chip away at it and I believe that if enough of us chip away at it, it will disintegrate.
For the rest of my life, I will chip at the wall(s). I will bring attention to the wall and encourage as many people as I can to also chip at the wall and to also bring attention to the wall. We cannot change what we do not acknowledge.
Standing up against racial inequalities does not make me a racist; it makes me, among other things, a mother who wants her children to live to their full potential without running into unnecessary walls that degrade and defeat their beautiful minds and spirits. Standing up for women does not make me an “angry feminist” or an “angry black woman”; it makes me, among other things, a woman who wants her daughter , all our daughters, to reach their full potential without constantly running into a wall that tells them that they are less than.
The question that we all need to ask ourselves with regards to racial, gender and other walls, is this: Am I a builder or a chipper?
I am a Chipper.
A week ago I wrote a letter to Mr. David Marmel, the owner of the Mrs World Pageant.
I got a response from Mr Marmel but I was very disappointed in his lack of acknowledgemnt of the points made in the letter. In my video interview with Your Black World, I discuss why I was not satisfied with Mr. Marmel’s response.
If you find yourself feeling down, sad and sorry for yourself, you have probably shifted your focus from what you DO have to what you DON’T have. Sometimes “happiness” is just about shifting your focus. Just be mindful of what you’re focused on and you’ll be amazed at how often you have to SHIFT. If you get in the habit of shifting your focus from what you DON’T have to what you DO have, you’ll be amazed at the results! This is how you begin to live a life of GRATITUDE.
Grateful people are “happy” people and ungrateful people are unhappy people. It really is that simple. What do you choose-gratitude and happiness or complaining and unhappiness?
I choose Gratitude.
For over a year now, I have been writing and blogging about issues that affect women’s lives and more specifically Black Women’s lives. One of the reasons why I took an interest in black women’s issues was that being a black woman, I realized that the way that we were portrayed in the media and the way that we were perceived even in our own communities was not congruent with what I believed was true about who we really are.
My desire is to contribute to positively shifting the image of black women which, unfortunately, has been grossly misunderstood, misinterpreted and attacked. I am pleased to recommend a new book by Sophia Nelson titled “Black Women Redefined”, which I believe carries a powerful message for and about Black Women.
See the trailer here
I just watched a two hour Gayle King show special dedicated to a celebration of Oprah’s exit from the Oprah Winfrey Show. During the show, one of the guests interviewed was Oprah’s long time life partner, Stedman Graham. They reminisced about the Oprah Winfrey Show’s many highs and even higher highs over the past 25 years.
What stood out to me the most was when they laughed about how, right up until her last day of “work”, Oprah packed a lunch. Gayle joked that most people don’t know how frugal Oprah really is. Right there and there, I had an “Aha! Moment”. Wealthy people, like Oprah, don’t get wealthy by frivolously spending their money; they get wealthy by making good financial decisions even with such seemingly trivial things as spending money on lunch everyday instead of just packing a lunch.
Imagine if for 25 years, you took $5 to $10 everyday and put it in a savings account and never touched it. With conservative calculations, that amounts to about $50,000! And that is without calculating interest… Food for thought- right?
I’m really going to miss seeing Oprah every week day at 4pm but what I’ll miss even more is the little “Aha! Moments” such as the one I got today even without her there.
Here is my declaration: Every time I have the thought to buy lunch at work, I’ll take $7 and throw it into my savings account. What’s your declaration? Let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org Here’s to the next 25 years!
Let me be clear; I’m not “hating” on Beyonce. In fact, I actually like Beyonce. I find her to be a very beautiful and talented young woman. What I love about Beyonce is her humility in spite of her wealth and fame. That being said, I have to speak out against her new single “Who Run The world (Girls)”.
Let’s read between the lines here-if girls (presumably, black girls) “run the world”, where are the black boys? Let me guess; jail, drugs and the down low-right? Why can we not see that this is a time when we should be affirming and uplifting the boys and the men in the black community? Yes, black women are strong and independent but that is not a reason to now sing about running the world. Why can we not support each other (men and women) and recognize that we work best when we work together. We are different because each gender brings something to the table that the other does not.
So, my darling Beyonce, I really appreciated it when you told young women to tell brothers to “put a ring on it”. This showed that you encouraged us to ask brothers to step up to the plate and make honest women out of us rather than turn us into “hit and run” victims. I even liked it when you told us that you could see the beauty and divine magnificence in your man by singing “I can see your halo”. With this last single, “Who run the world (girls)”, I’m afraid you lost me. I don’t want to run the world with a bunch of other women. I want men and women to unite and then maybe we can talk about running the world.