What men want from women-One man tells us

Some days ago I posted a message that comedian, Kevin Hart, allegedly had for black women.. A lot of people had very strong reactions to the post and I was glad to see that because I always encourage dialogue surrounding love and relationships. One comment, however, stood out to me because the person who made the comment clearly outlined what men want. I am assuming that the person is a man; a black man. Here is his comment:

“Commenter” says:
“I love black women. Period. And I feel that they are only to be with black men. The problem that I see is that so a lot of women:
(1) disqualify men even before they even say anything to them.

(2)Tend to believe that acting aggressively is what they perceive as strength. But there are more good examples than bad.

[This is basically what men want]:
(A) I should not have to fight with her at every turn because she expects things to turn out her way.

(B) I should not have to be challenged and criticized for being who I am. And just because she is doing better financially does not discount my value as a black man nor does it warrant her treating me with disrespect or disregard.

(C) Just because a man say something as simple as “Hello” does not mean that the intention is to jump into bed with them. Even though it is healthy to be attracted to her if she is beautiful and desirable. (D) So many tend to want to be with bad boys or supposedly “Broken” boys that they will absolutely overlook decent men for clowns & buffoons. That has been my experience with sisters but I will not give up on them!!”

The “commenter” may not be speaking for every man, but he made some very valid points. The reason why I chose to share his comment is that I have consistently been told that one of the most important elements of a successful relationship is Communication. (I love to interview married couples-the longer the marriages, the better!) I believe that in order for a man (or woman) to give their partner what they want, the starting point is both of them getting clear about what they want and then clearly communicating it. So, ladies, you heard it here directly quoted from “the horse’s mouth”!

Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses is a wife, mother, professional speaker and an Assistant Professor of Professional Studies. For more information about Nomalanga’s programs, please click here.

5 Responses to “What men want from women-One man tells us”

  1. R Bill DFouglas says:

    The bro is on the mark for many successful black women work in corporate enviornments all day and find moving back into the black world after work a downer. What’s with some the most eligible black men MJ, Bryant Gumble, et.al. all crossing the color line for white women there has never been as many black professional availble as now??? In MN it’s not uncommon to see black women with white men and they’re not necessqarily the cream de la cream of their respective groups. Like it or not the time has come to realize there’s an international mkt. out there–especially with the internet mating services–and Mr. or Ms. right just might be of a hue different than yours!!!!!

  2. bascombe says:

    Kevin left out the one where sisters are holding brothers accountable for their previous bad relationships. It’s sickening. But I won’t give up on sisters, either.

  3. Shawty says:

    I totally agree with the commenter/commentator. BTW, NEVER have I been attracted to bad guys; nor ever do I think good guys are synonymous with boring guys. That’s probably part of the reason why I haven’t dated; why I’ve have been told that my standards are too high, and why I’ve been told, “Change him later!”. It’s not my job to change anyone or to be forced into change–that takes too much energy from enjoying life. Even Almighty God (who can do ALL things) doesn’t force people. He is big into freedom of choice (remember the Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil). The commentator’s comments were on-point. IJS 🙂

  4. mims says:

    AMEN BROTHER!! You are so right, we as Black women need to wake up and open our eyes to how we’re living, acting and carrying ourselves. Its not pretty at all. This is why ‘our’ men are ‘switching’ sides and running to opposite women. I’m not saying it’s right what they do in relationships with us, their behavior has alot to do with how we act, but we as black females gotta help ourselves and not let a ‘man’ or circumstance change us for the worst. We need to start re-educating ourselves, get off drugs, change our attitudes, loose the old negative baggage we hold onto, stop looking and acting ghetto, raise our own kids in a Godly manner and I believe God will change our positions. Right now, we’re at the bottom of the food chain in society!!

  5. Chris says:

    While I understand the commentator’s perspective is his personal, I have experienced personally and vicariously enough of similar situations that it lends validity to the aforementioned comment.

    I am not here to generalize or stereotype all Black Women as it would asinine to do so, but there are enough of these experiences that would call for some notice to be taken. Just as there are numerous examples of Black males “dogging out” Black Women, it would be ridiculous to stereotype all of Black Men. I feel that there needs to be more respect of Black Women from Black Men just as there needs to be more appreciation/respect of Black Men from Black Women.

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